From Now On
by readtowriteandwritetoread
Summary: The trials and tribulations of domesticated Linstead as they attempt to navigate everything life throws at them.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I've been sitting on this for a while. I love Linstead and I love reading fics about them. I decided to put my idea into words and before I knew it I had 10,000 of them, so here it goes. All characters belong to Dick Wolf. Hope you like it. :)**

The sound of a phone ringing woke Erin from a dream she wished she could continue. It involved her, her boyfriend, and a hot steamy shower. She reached across her pillows and gave her boyfriend a light shove. "Jay...," Erin croaked, her voice thick with sleep. When he made no effort to move, she said it again, "Jay!" This time she said it louder and with more force. And although he rolled towards her, Jay still didn't say anything to respond to Erin. She saw no other way to answer the phone other than to crawl over him to get it. When she was halfway over him, her arms across his chest and one of her legs over his, Jay finally made a noise. "Wha… what are you doing," he said, his confusion was evident. "I'm giving you a middle of the night lap dance," she gave him the most sarcastic response she could think of at a quarter to four in the morning. "What do you think I'm doing, I'm picking up my phone which we conveniently left on your side of the bed last night," she followed up before he could even process her first sentence. She stretched her arms as far as they would go to grab her phone on his bedside table. Once she had it in her hand she collapsed on his chest and answered it.  
"Hank, what's wr-." She started to ask because she knew the only way that he'd phone her at that hour was if there was a family emergency or they'd caught a case. It happened to be the second one. "Ok, … yeah …ok, no, I'll let him know and pick him up on my way. Yeah, we'll be there in 25, ok… yeah … ok bye." And although Jay had only caught half of the conversation, he understood what was happening. Jay was already partially dressed and throwing Erin some of her clothes when he said, "caught a case?" Erin responded by nodding her head. The last thing she said before heading into the bathroom was "be ready in five."

XXX

Erin pulled up to an abandoned car park in Gage park. It was still dark outside, and Erin could see her breath every time she exhaled because of the brutal cold of the Chicago winter. The rest of the team were spread out across the area. Al and Ruzek were talking to witnesses, Antonio, Atwater and Hank were all standing around what Erin assumed would be a body and patrol men and women and people from CSI were milling around collecting evidence and setting up a perimeter. The partners walked up to Hank, Antonio and Atwater. Jay was the first to see the victim, and when he did, he stopped dead in his tracks. A young boy, who couldn't have been older than twelve, was wrapped in a plastic cover. He had clearly been held for a period of time from the ligature marks around his neck, wrists and ankles. Jay's face hardened as he took in the scene. His jaw tensed, and his eyes flamed with anger. He couldn't form any words he was so furious. Erin sensed Jay's change in mood and asked a question that she wasn't sure either of them wanted the answer to. "What did the M.E. say?" she cautiously asked her sergeant. Hank looked up from the crime scene and said, "Cause of death was strangulation which is the newest of all the ligature marks, the wrists and ankles make it look like the kid was held for almost three weeks." Jay started to interrupt, getting ready to ask questions but Hank kept speaking, "Halstead I'm not finished. Traces of semen was found on the body and the plastic."

XXX

Mouse identified the boy as Jordan Wheeler from missing persons records and the parents had been notified of their child's death. When Erin and Jay went over to the Wheelers' house, they noticed how normal everything was, from the swing set in the front garden to the white picket fence. They were the picture-perfect American family. When the pair returned to the bullpen, they updated the team. "They are your average family, dad's an accountant, mum's a homemaker. The kid was a competitive swimmer and on the honour roll at school. Everyone we talked to said they wouldn't hurt a fly. None of them had any enemies." Jay said as he stuck Jordan's picture up on the whiteboard. Hank looked around at his squad and said "Hey, I know it's an emotional case, but we'll get this guy. We just gotta put the work in. Antonio, Kevin you two go to the Dad's work and see if he was having any problems. Al and Ruzek, go back to the scene and go door to door, see if anyone saw anything late last night. Halstead, Lindsay, look into Jordan's life – friends, teachers, coaches, anything." Everyone looked at each other, expecting Hank to continue, instead he just said, "Let's go!"

XXX

Jay rushed over to Erin's desk with a file in his hand and then slammed it on her desk. "Martin Lavers." Jay exclaimed. When Erin gave him a look of no understanding, he followed it up with "The swim coach". Erin got ready to ask a question but before she could get any words out Jay started again. "I looked into his background and he has a record. Possession of child pornography, from fifteen years ago. But he has moved from state to state every couple of years since then. Always works with preteen boys but never the same job. He's been a sports coach, a music teacher, even a boy scout leader. He barely leaves a trace Erin, rents apartments six months at a time, doesn't pay with credit cards, he's trying to fade into the background. But we got him. Right?" Erin used her thumb and index finger to turn Jay's head towards her. "Hey… look at me," she softly said to him. She could see he was almost spinning out, crazily trying to convince himself and her that they had found enough evidence to arrest the guy. "We've got him," she slowly said each word as if to confirm it for him, to make it real. And he needed that. She could see it on his face when she said it. She picked up the file and took it into Hank's office, leaving Jay standing next to her desk. They talked for only two minutes but what felt to Jay like two hours. Then Erin walked over to her chair, pulled on her leather jacket, picked up her keys, nudged her head in the direction of the exit and said, "Let's go arrest the guy."

XXX

Hank and Erin had both been around Jay long enough to know how involved he got in cases like this. Jay was particularly amped up that afternoon, pacing across the bullpen as the rest of the team collated all the evidence to get ready for interrogation. Erin glanced across to Hank and subtly shook her head. She knew the worst thing for this case would be Jay questioning this suspect. Hank said that he and Erin would interrogate the coach and walked back into his office before Jay could even begin to protest. Erin walked across to him and tried her best to placate him. "You trust me right," she said to him, lifting one eyebrow as if to question his faith in her. He looked into her eyes and then looked to the floor. "Of course I trust you," he mumbled as quietly as he could. He knew she had heard him though because she replied. "Then let me do this for you. No complaints. No storming in. I guarantee we'll run circles around this guy in there." She gave him a small smile before retrieving Hank from his office and walking out of the bullpen.

XXX

Erin gestured to the stack of papers and files on the metal table in the interrogation room and said "Look Martin… we know a lot of stuff about you. We know you were born in Ohio, we know about your record and we know that you kidnapped, abused and killed Jordan Wheeler." Lavers shifted uncomfortably in his rigid chair. Not making eye contact with Erin or Hank and not acknowledging the accusation she made. Despite the suspect's lack of response, Hank said, "Now this can go the easy way or the hard way. The best way is you confess and then get a reduced sentence." As soon as Hank said the word confess, Martin looked up, his eyes no longer scared like they were moments ago, but now hardened and emotionless. "I want my Lawyer," he spat. Hank continued talking but didn't get more than a few words out before Martin said again, "I. Want. My. Lawyer." Hank turned to Erin and told her to go back to the bullpen. Erin looked at Hank, her eyes trying to convey the words she couldn't say to him- don't do anything stupid_. _Erin walked out the door but stayed in the hallway, her back leaning against the wall, her eyes closed, and she focused on trying to slow her breathing. She couldn't go back upstairs and face Jay, not without a confession. But she also couldn't go back in that room, not when she was certain of what Hank was doing.

XXX

Martin gave a smug grin to Erin and Jay as he and his lawyer walked out of the 21st district. Jay turned to Erin, furrowed his brow, exhaled loudly, then turned and walked away and into the locker room. Hank looked at Erin and nodded his head in Jay's direction, a silent approval for her to go after her partner. Erin walked as fast as she could into the locker room and found Jay pushing and kicking his locker. He looked up when she knocked on the door. "What happened Erin? We had him. We absolutely had him. How could you let him go? What happened to trusting you, huh? What happened to running circles around him?" Jay said. His voice accusing in tone, and it let Erin know exactly where his head was at. "Jay," Erin said, wanting to get his attention but Jay continued rambling about letting a criminal go and not knowing what crimes he might go on to commit. "Jay!" Erin said, louder this time and it worked because she was successful in gaining his focus. She continued, "He wasn't the same guy we spoke to first time round. This Martin was cold and calculating. His eyes weren't scared or worried, they were hard. He didn't cooperate at all, not even when Hank got all Hank about it. You know how Hank gets. And he didn't say anything. Not even after a black eye and a busted lip." Jay lifted his eyes to look at her when she mentioned Hank's 'special' activities. When Jay didn't say anything Erin kept talking, "We are now certain it's him, we just need more evidence. Ok. And we will get it. We've just got to keep looking." Jay put his arms around Erin and pulled her to him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I just-" Jay started to apologise but Erin cut him off, "Don't even think about it. These cases shake all of us up. Let's see if the others have got anything new." Before letting go of her, Jay leaned in to kiss her. But as his face dipped forwards, she jumped away from him, far enough to be out of his reach. He looked surprised, so Erin gave an explanation for her actions. "I hear footsteps," she whispered. They both straightened themselves up and started walking out of the room when Ruzek turned the corner and said, "Come up quick guys, we've got something."

XXX

Mouse was rapidly speaking about how he found the new lead but was talking in circles and the team struggled to follow what he was saying. Jay turned to his former army buddy and said, "Cut to the chase Mouse." Mouse looked up at the faces of everyone surrounding him and realised they were all clueless, so gave them the run down, "Earlier you told me to look for any properties that Lavers owned. I did, and we found nothing. What occurred to me was that we didn't look for properties in the name of his parents." He looked up and saw some faces still clueless but other showed gratitude for his ability to think outside the box. Mouse continued by giving them the address of a storage facility not far from where Jordan was found. Hank looked around at his team and gruffly said, "Gear up, we roll out in ten." In less than twenty minutes the team were walking up to Laver's storage locker with the manager leading the way ready to let them in. Once they lifted up the door, the whole team were shocked at what they found inside. Photos of boys all over the walls, not just Jordan but also at least six other kids, showing how he'd stalked them before kidnapping them. Boxes of what the team hoped would be evidence to help with the case, and when they opened them up, they found clear bags of locks of hair. Hank looked around at everyone and said, "Bag this all up and take it to the district. We've got enough for a warrant for this guy's DNA."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Posting chapter one really got me in the zone, so I'm updating already. Let me know what you think. :)**

Tracking down Martin Lavers for the second time actually proved easier for intelligence than the first time. He had continued to show up for work even after his interaction with the police. When Hank went to select two people to pick him up, Jay had politely yet insistently requested that he and Erin be the partners to bring him in. Hank looked Jay firmly in the eyes and barked "You go to the gym, you pick him up and you bring him here. Don't pass go, don't collect £200 and_ don't_ do anything stupid." Jay clenched his jaw as hank spoke but nodded his head when his boss finished and then turned on his heel to leave the bullpen. Hank glared at Erin, so she quickly left and followed her partner out to the car. By the time she had got out of the district, Erin found Jay impatiently waiting for her in the passenger seat. Once in the car and on their way to the swimming pool, Erin glanced at her partner and jokingly said "I'm surprised you let me drive you know… I mean I'm happy about driving and I'm super happy that you've finally accepted your role as my subservient house husband." She lightly chuckled as she finished her sentence. But when she noticed the Jay hadn't responded, Erin snuck a peak at Jay and saw how tense he was. So Erin moved her left hand so that it rested on top of Jays right hand which was gripping his thigh. When he felt her touch, his muscles instantly relaxed and he slowly turned his hand over so that he could hold her hand, clutching it as if it were his lifeboat. They both stayed like this until they pulled up to the swimming pool. Once she had put the car in park, Erin brought their joined hands up to her lips and gave his hand a light kiss. It was a moment of intimacy that they usually didn't express while at work, but Erin felt that the situation warranted it. She saw how much calmer Jay looked once she had released his hand and she knew she had done the right thing. Her Jay - not the one people see at work but the one she knows from their private time together - was shy, and he needed approval and support and especially love. As difficult as her childhood was, Erin knew Jay suffered as well. Perhaps not as obviously but the way he was raised affected their relationship and it meant that Erin had to make sure that he was sure that she had faith in him and his abilities. They both got out of the car, walked into the building and headed straight for the swimming pool.

XXX

When they got pool side, Erin and Jay spotted Lavers in the water being very hands on with the young boys. Neither partner had any qualms about announcing to everyone that Lavers was a criminal. When they moved closer to where Lavers would hear, they yelled, "CPD - we have an arrest warrant for Martin Lavers." Lavers looked up at the pair and made his way out of the pool. He slowly made his way over to his towel and then wandered over to the detectives. As soon as Lavers got to the partners Jay roughly turned him around and put a set of handcuffs on his wrists while Erin read Lavers his rights. Lavers looked around and saw all the kids and the parents with worried faces, so he attempted to assuage their concerns by gently saying, "Everyone don't worry. It's all a misunderstanding. I'll be back before you know it." Erin and Jay walked Lavers to their car, but he seemed confident that the detectives still couldn't scrape together enough evidence to arrest him. Throughout the whole journey he said nothing, but his face held a smug grin. The partners walked the suspect into the district and took him straight into the interrogation room. Just before they closed the door, Jay turned to Lavers and said, "Oh by the way, we found your little storage locker," then he immediately slammed the door not waiting to see the suspect's response.

XXX

Erin was stood in her kitchen, making herself a cup of herbal tea when she heard a knock at her door. When she opened it, Erin saw her boyfriend standing before her. But not her usual charming and playful boyfriend, but the man that sometimes comes out from the shadows after a particularly hard case or a day that triggers him or even just a fight with his brother. This sad and vulnerable man was who Erin found on her doorstep, so before even inviting him in Erin wrapped her arms around him and held him close to her. As Erin opened her mouth Jay mumbled into her hair, "I know I said earlier that I wanted to be alone, but I just couldn't do it…I just really need to be around you tonight." The sentiment made Erin smile because even though she knew her boyfriend was hurting, she was glad that he sought her out for relief rather than his old way of drowning his sorrows. After their extended hug, Erin grasped Jay's hand, led him into her apartment and sat him down next to her on the couch. Erin sat cross legged and then turned so she was facing her boyfriend. Since his admission of needing to see her, Jay remained silent. Even when Erin reached over and touched his arm, Jay's eyes remained fixed on the floor. Erin realised that she would have to start if she wanted him to talk. She gently said, "Jay," to try and get his attention. She waited until he lifted his eyes to look at her before she continued. "I'm totally fine if you don't want to talk. We can just relax, maybe watch a game…snuggle. But the fact that you came here tonight after telling me you wanted to be alone lets me know where your head is at. So I'm ready to relax if that's what you want, but I'm also here to talk or even just listen if that's what you need." Erin could see Jay processing all that information, and she knew it was late and she knew he was starting to spin out, so she was prepared to wait until he was ready to respond. After a few minutes he quietly said, "I…I want to talk, I just… I don't know where to start." She wanted to interrupt him and tell him that he could start wherever, and she would listen to the whole thing but if she cut him off, she was certain that he would stop completely. So instead of interrupting him, Erin kept her mouth shut. After a short pause, Jay continued, "This case was really hard for me… you know that…you could see it. Even Voight could see it. And I hate that. I hate that I'm so …. I want you to know everything about me but at the same time I like what we have, and I don't want anything I tell you to change that and I just…I want to be the Jay you met in the bullpen, not this broken guy. Not the me who can't even manage to string together a couple of sentences about why cases like this get to me so badly. But they do and I just … I." When he started to choke up at the end, Erin could tell that Jay had lost his composure and wouldn't regain it any time soon. Not only could Jay not get any proper words out, his knee had started to bounce up and down and his hands started to shake and get fidgety. Two of his tell-tale signs that he was heading towards an attack. Erin saw where he was headed so went to her cupboard and retrieved the weighted blanket. A purchase Erin had made after Jay's last attack at her apartment. That night had left her feeling useless, so she did a little research and came out with a weighted blanket which is meant to calm the sympathetic nervous system. When she got back to the couch and laid the blanket on top of him, he gave her a questioning look. She lifted her eyebrows and said, "It's meant to help. So could you try it? … for me." He gave her his best attempt at a smile, even though she could tell he still wasn't all there, and then said, "I'd do anything for my girl." As he finished speaking, he gently pulled Erin down, so she was next to him and held her close.

XXX

The feel of the cold sheet next to her woke Erin up later that night. She opened one eye and looked at the digital alarm clock on her bedside table. 2:47 am. Erin realised that she must have fallen asleep in Jay's arms on the couch and that he must have carried her into bed for her to have woken up where she did. She wondered where her boyfriend had got to when she heard the shower. Erin got out of bed and walked into the bathroom as quietly as she could. The sight of Jay standing in the shower with the water from the shower head pounding onto his head broke her heart. Only once she was close enough did she hear his stifled sobs under the noise of the water. Erin quickly shed her clothes, stepped into the spray and wrapped her arms around his torso. Jays whole body tensed when he heard the door of the shower open and close. But once he felt her touch, he turned around and crushed her against him, sobbing into her shoulder. They both stood there not moving until he managed to get a few words out. The both of them then quickly dried off and put on some warm clothes before sitting on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry I left you in bed alone but I," he began to explain his actions, but Erin cut him off and said, "It's fine Jay, it's…" but then Jay cut Erin off and carried on explaining himself, "It's not fine Erin. I'm sorry... just please accept my apology and let me explain." Instead of speaking though Erin just nodded and let him continue, "I woke up on the couch with you in my arms and everything felt okay. I looked at the time and I saw it was late so carried you to bed. But then when I laid down my heart started racing and my head got fuzzy. So I got up and went to get a glass of water. But when I looked at my hands and they were stained with blood." Suddenly Jay stopped speaking and without needing to look at him, Erin could tell he was struggling to tell her the whole story, so to encourage him to going she weaved her fingers through his, hoping that just a little of her touch would keep him talking. Jay felt reassured by her holding his hand and managed to keep talking, "When I saw the blood I freaked completely. I wasn't in your apartment, but I wasn't really anywhere else, not the bullpen, not my old house, not even the desert. I felt like my brain was playing tricks on me and the only thing I could think to do was wash that blood away and before I knew what had happened you were standing behind me in the shower." He had said everything on one breath, and Erin could tell it was because although he wanted to tell her, he also didn't want her to see him this vulnerable. Instead of continuing their conversation like she actually wanted to do, Erin just crawled under the covers and patted the space next to her because all Jay needed in that moment was to feel her near him and know that she wasn't going to go anywhere. They both laid down in bed, as close as they could get to one another while also having enough space for all of Erin's pillows. Just as she was beginning to drift off, she heard Jay softly say, "Thanks for being there for me today." She turned over to face him and even though she kept her eyes close she gave him a small smile and replied, "Always." Erin fell asleep quickly after their exchange, but Jay continued to stay awake for some time, just holding his girlfriend close.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I really love reading/writing about the relationship between Erin and Camille, so tried my best to smoothly fit it in. Let me know what you think. :)**

The Lavers case was difficult for the whole intelligence unit, so when for the next few days they only did paperwork, everyone was grateful. Both Erin and Jay welcomed the normal hours at work and enjoyed spending more time together. The weekend after the Lavers case the couple were watching the Blackhawks late into the evening at Erin's apartment. Jay had just got up to use the bathroom when there was a knock at the door. Erin got up from the couch, opened the door and was surprised at who she saw. "Hank… what are you doing here?" Erin said quite loudly, hoping Jay would hear who she was speaking to and would then stay in the bathroom and stay silent. Hank looked Erin up and down and gruffly said, "I know I taught you better manners than that." Erin chuckled at Hanks blatant disregard of her question but then said with cheeky grin, "Hello Hank, what has brought you over to my humble abode on this fine evening? Would you like to come in?" Hank glared at her sarcastic response but then pulled her in for a one-armed hug and kissed her temple. Hank then left Erin out in the hall, walked into her apartment and said, "I'll put the kettle on." From that sentence and the view of Hank retreating inside the doorway, Erin was taken back to the first night that Hank brought her home.

XXX

1999

_She had met Camille Voight before, and by now she would even say she knew Hank quite well, but as fourteen-year-old Erin Lindsay stood inside the Voight's front room, everything felt so new. Erin sat on a worn and comfortable armchair wearing her only pieces of clothing and clutching her backpack which contained all of her possessions. Camille came down the stairs and handed Erin a warm cardigan and a blanket. Erin looked up at Camille confused by her actions, so Camille explained herself, "I could see you shivering from the moment you got out of Hank's car." And instead of saying anything to respond, Erin simply put on the cardigan, wrapped herself in the blanket and gave a shy smile to Camille. Hank then looked between the two other people in the room and said, "We are really happy you finally decided to take up my offer Erin. But… and I mean this when I say it… we have some ground rules that you have to follow. We can't let you get up to the same tricks as you're used to. Not with Justin around. He's young and we want to protect him for as long as possible and we want you to help us do that." Hank's suggestion of rules made Erin want to rip off the cardigan and blanket and run as fast as she could. But she had nowhere to go. Not after she helped Hank arrest Bunny's new boyfriend. Erin had left her mother's tiny excuse of an apartment that morning to go to school with only the clothes on her back, whatever she could fit inside her backpack and a cheek stinging from where her mother's hand had slapped it. Erin took a deep breath. She wanted to stay with the Voight's. She wanted a warm bed and running water. She wanted a place to call home. So she looked at Hank, stared at him square in the eyes and said, "I'll follow any rules you want." At that statement both Hank and Camille smiled. Before the trio did anything else, Camille wanted to show Erin where she could put her things and where she would be sleeping. As they got to the stairs Erin turned to Camille and said, "Where are you taking me… I can just leave my stuff by the couch. That makes the most sense if that's where I'm sleeping," the uncertainty of her words was clear. Camille just took Erin's hand and led her up the stairs and into the second room on the right-hand side of the hall. When Camille switched on the light, she turned around to say something to Erin but was surprised to see tears welling in her eyes. Camille quickly pulled the teenager into her embrace and softly said, "I know it's been a tough few years. But this is real … you're really here. We're not letting you go anywhere." Erin sniffled a few times but managed to compose herself enough for Camille to feel comfortable to let go. Camille then started showing Erin where everything was in her room. "So, you've got your bed here and a spare blanket across the bottom, but if you get cold in the night Hank and I have more in our bedroom. We got you a desk and a lamp, so you can do work in the privacy of your own room. I tried to fill the drawers with things I thought you might find useful like post it notes and pens. Then in the cupboard, you've got shelves and hanging space… and I know there's not a lot in there, but I just picked up a few things for you… a couple of t-shirts, some jeans and big thick coat. I wasn't sure how many of your clothes you'd bring so I erred on the side of caution. If you don't like anything or things don't fit, we can just take them back and get something else." Camille seemed to ramble on and on until she was interrupted by Erin wrapping her arms around the older woman. "Thank you so much for doing all of this …for me. I love all of it." Erin quietly said. Before either of them could say anything more, there was a quiet knock on the door. Hank stepped in the room and said, "How about we take this chit-chat downstairs huh, maybe have a warm drink before bed." Before Erin could even answer, Camille looked at her husband, grinned widely and said, "That would be perfect." Erin looked between the married couple. It was the first time she'd ever seen a marriage look like what it did in the story books. Two people who cared about and supported one another, no violence, no drug abuse, just love. Then Hank said the few words that brought Erin out of her thought about fairytales, "I'll put the kettle on."_

XXX

Erin walked back into her apartment after her trip down memory lane, to find Hank sitting at her table with two cups of coffee. She grinned at him and said, "You always did know how to make the best coffee." Erin sat down across from Hank and analyzed his face. Although he looked tired and a little older with more lines on his face and around his eyes and his hair had started going grey by his temples, Hank still had the same energy that he did when Erin first met him. Hank had had enough of sitting in silence, so he said, "You know, even though we work together every day, I feel like I haven't seen you in a long time. What has got you so busy these days?" Erin smiled, thinking about Jay and how much time the two of them had been spending together lately. She knew that she couldn't tell Hank about their relationship, not yet, so instead Erin changed the topic completely and said, "The other day I had the strangest urge to make Camille's famous chocolate chip cookies, but it ended up being a complete disaster because I couldn't find the recipe and I couldn't remember all the ingredients. So there I was, sitting on the floor in the kitchen, everywhere was a complete mess covered in flour and sugar and all I could do was laugh and myself and wish that I had paid more attention when Camille used to drag me into the kitchen." Hank was a little taken aback by the sudden change but could always easily talk about his late wife, "You know she only ever started making those when I told her that they were your favourite." Erin was shocked by Hank's statement, "That can't be true, she made them for me before I'd even properly come home to you guys," Erin softly said. Hank simply responded, "It's true." Erin was still surprised and quietly said to herself more than to Hank, "But… but she didn't even like me when we met." Hank reached over, grasped Erin's hand and said, "But she more than loved you by the time we got you home." They spent the next ten minutes talking about Justin and how he was doing in the army and with the new baby. Hank mentioned that Justin and his family were going to come to Chicago for Easter which made Erin think about where she and Jay would be in three months. Erin wondered if Hank would know about their relationship by then, and if he did, whether Jay would be invited to Hank's Traditional Easter feast.

Hank had finished his coffee, so he stood up to leave and Erin followed him to the door but before he opened the door Hank turned to Erin and said, "You've been happier lately and I'm glad to see it, so when you're finally ready to tell me what or who is making that happen…I'll be ready. And you know Erin, the day you finally came home was one of the best days of my life and I know it was one of Camille's best days too." Hank placed a quick kiss on Erin temple and said, "I'll see you tomorrow." Once the door closed Erin heard movement from the bathroom and laughed when she turned around and saw her boyfriend standing in front of her with the most unimpressed look upon his face. "I got the memo to stay in the bathroom when you practically screamed Hank's name," Jay chuckled. Erin was happy that he found the whole situation funny because after being left trapped in the bathroom for 25 minutes, a lot of people would be in a foul mood. But not Jay, because Jay could tell that Erin had no choice, it was either sit and talk with Hank until he left or tell Hank about their relationship. Erin tugged at Jay's arms and pulled them around herself, "I think we should tell Hank about us. And if he makes one of us transfer then we'll make that decision if and when it presents itself. But I actually think he'd be ok with us, you know," Erin said to Jay almost convincing herself as well as her boyfriend. Jay placed a soft kiss into Erin's hair and said, "Babe when you want to tell the guy that is basically your dad that you've got boyfriend it's going to be your decision. I'll support you whenever that time is." The two of them stood in a locked embrace for some time before Jay moved into the kitchen to make dinner and Erin started to lay the table, both of them settled in the thought that soon Hank would know and before Erin could change her mind about telling Hank she got out her phone and messaged Hank saying – It has been ages since we've done our weekly Sunday dinner. You free next Sunday? Because if you are, I want to show you why I've been so happy.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Really enjoyed writing the action in this one. Let me know what you think. :)**

The next day the team were sitting at their desks when Antonio walked out of Hank's office with Hank on his heels and made an announcement to the rest of the squad. "I've just had a tip from a CI. Voight did some digging, and we are going to go in for a bust." Antonio turned around and stuck pictures of two men onto the whiteboard as Hank took over explaining the case. "This is Nicolas Ofstrovsky and his brother Anatoly Ofstrovsky. They are mid-level dealers in the Russian mob and have been spiking their product with fentanyl. Six people from all different kinds of backgrounds have shown up in Med's ED overdosed on this in the last week alone. Two of them died and the other four are in comas. They're getting in a new shipment in this afternoon and were going to catch them with a lorry-load of heroin."

Later on when the team geared up, Jay put on his bullet proof vest and then helped Erin put on her vest like always. Erin could put on her vest herself, but she thought that the small amount of closeness before a bust centered both her and Jay. It was a quick moment of intimacy with no lingering touches or looks, and to anyone else in the squad it looked like nothing out of the ordinary, but it reassured both of them before they had to enter an intense high-pressure situation and reminded them what they had to fight to return home to. The unit drove to the warehouse out in Washington Heights. Voight, Al, and Ruzek were team one and had positioned themselves around the back, ready to breach when they got the signal from the other team. Team two consisted of Antonio, Kevin, Jay and Erin, and they were parked outside the front of the neighbouring warehouse. The final team were Burgess and Roman, who were parked in an unmarked police car outside the warehouse complex, ready to stop anyone trying to escape. Team two were responsible for the decision to enter as they had the best view of the entrance. Antonio and Erin were in the front of the van talking when out of the corner of his eye Antonio saw two lorries approaching the warehouse and so he alerted everyone by calling into his walkie talkie, "Two vans have just entered. Looks like they're about to open up the main door to let them in. Once the main door shuts, we have thirty seconds before we enter so get ready. I'll call out when the door closes and again when we breach." Everyone got all their gear prepared but no one got out their vehicles until Antonio called out, "Door is down." Within seconds everyone was out and by their respective doors ready to enter. The thirty seconds went quickly and soon Antonio was counting down the last few, "Three, two, one, GO GO GO!" From both front and back the whole intelligence unit was yelling "CPD, get your hands up in the air." The two lorries were half unloaded with the bricks of heroin on tables. There were three perps unloading each lorry so team one apprehended the group unloading the lorry near the back and team two went for the group unloading the lorry near the main entrance. Voight and Al had no trouble cuffing a suspect, but Ruzek had to give chase and ended up dodging bricks of heroin aimed at his head before being able to take down his perp. Team two had a slightly harder time with only Antonio easily seizing someone. Jay ran after a suspect who tried to escape out of the back, but Jay was obviously in much better shape than the perp because he quickly caught up and hand-cuffed him. Over the walkie talkie Voight rasped, "We've got three cuffed here, but we need someone to come over and help transport them, so we can get them back to the precinct." Erin and Kevin were both in pursuit of the final suspect who had made his way around to the other side of the lorry. Kevin was much closer to the other team, so Erin nodded her head towards team one and said to him. "You go Kev, I got this." Kevin went over to help the other team and Erin continued to move towards the final suspect. As she rounded the corner of the lorry Erin came face to face with Nicolas Ofstrovsky. Nicolas quickly made a move for Erin and shoved her into the side of the vehicle. Erin put up a fight but was not as strong as the 6 ft 4, 210-pound man slamming her against the lorry. The other members in her team heard the noise and called out, "Erin, you good?" When no answer came Jay started to get worried, so he told Antonio to keep an eye on their two cuffed suspects while he went to check on his partner. Nicolas heard Jay calling out and knew that he only had a minute to get away. In order to make sure that Erin didn't follow him, Nicolas threw her to the ground and before she had time to get up or even move, he had punched her so hard that she was unconscious. After a few more punches Nicolas was up, and on his feet quickly in order to escape. Jay moved rapidly round the lorry, unsure about what he would find on the other side. His eyes found his girlfriend and he immediately pulled out his walkie talkie and barked, "This is detective Jay Halstead with Intelligence, badge number 51163, we've got on officer down at 1501 East 96th street, we need an ambulance now." As Jay began to check Erin he also radioed to Burgess and Roman letting them know that they may have a suspect coming towards them. The first thing Jay noticed was that Erin's nose was bleeding and her eye was already swollen and beginning to bruise. She was still breathing, and Jay couldn't find any injuries that she was bleeding from, so all he could do was wait. In the periphery Jay heard Voight's voice coming out of the walkie talkie asking who was hit and what was wrong, but Jay didn't have it in him to respond. Soon enough Antonio was telling Voight what he knew. Jay's fists were clenched in anger, but he knew the only place he should be in that moment was by his girlfriend's side. As Jay started to hear the sounds of the approaching ambulance, Erin started to come to.

XXX

For Erin the ambulance ride over was a complete blur. A paramedic conducted all the regular checks, while Jay hovered over her and tried to keep her smiling, but mostly her mind struggled to stay focused on any one thing. Throughout the whole journey Erin maintained that she didn't need to go to the hospital, but the fact that she struggled to stay conscious convinced Jay that they had made the right call. Most of the unit weren't far behind the ambulance and it wasn't long before the emergency department at Chicago Med was filled with booming voices of the intelligence unit. Erin was sat in a bay with a nurse going over the checks that the paramedics did earlier and with Jay pacing the length of the room. As soon as he heard the Voight's gravelly voice, Jay whipped the curtain to Erin's bay open, letting his boss and his colleagues in. Hank gave Erin a sympathetic glance before he turned his attention to Jay and said, "How bad is it?" Jay looked over to his girlfriend laid up in bed, then turned back to his boss and relayed all the information he had picked up, "She took a few nasty punches to the face, so her face has swollen up pretty badly. She's got some bruised ribs, they're not sure if the ribs are broken or just bruised and they think she's got a moderate concussion but they're going to take her up for scans to check on the ribs and facial bones and to make sure that the concussion is nothing more serious." Before Hank could respond, Maggie had walked up to the detectives and told them that when Erin had her own room, they could all go in there, but until then they would all have to go and wait in the waiting room. As intelligence made their way out of the emergency department and moved to the waiting room, an orderly came to take Erin to her scans. Hank went to turn and say something to Erin but in his peripheral vision he saw Jay bent over Erin's bed with his head next to hers, a goofy smile on his face reacting to something she had said, and their hands held together in a tight grip. Once Erin got wheeled to the lift, Jay turned to make his way to the rest of the squad when he saw Hank glaring at him from the entrance to the emergency department. Jay briskly walked up to his sergeant and began to give an explanation for what he clearly just witnessed, "Voight, it not what you think... we just-" Hank cut him off and rasped, "Halstead, don't even think about lying to my face." Hank looked to the floor and then looked back up at his detective and said "I know that I said I'd transfer you if any funny business started up, but I see how you are as partners as detectives and as friends. She's had a really hard year-" When Jay looked like he was about to interrupt, Hank silenced him with a finger before continuing, "and I know that you've been there for her this year in a lot of ways that I couldn't. So I just … I wanted to say thank you, for watching her back. I appreciate it as a sergeant and as a father." After a swift pat on the back, Hank began to make his move towards the waiting room, but once Jay had managed to get over his initial shock at what seemed like Hank's approval, the young detective ran a few steps then called out, "Voight, wait! We weren't trying to hide it… well I mean... we were but not because we weren't serious. It's just that…look, I wanted to tell you right away, but you know how Erin is. She builds up walls and tries to protect herself, and you know, you're her father figure and it was her choice to make. So I respected that. But I really think she was planning on telling you or even showing you this Sunday." By the time Hank and Jay had got to the rest of the squad, the nurse had informed them that Erin had a room and they could all wait there until she came down from her scans. Erin returned to her room to find only Hank and Jay waiting in what looked like stiff and uncomfortable chairs. While the doctors wanted Erin to stay for overnight observation, the only thing Erin wanted was to get out of her itchy hospital gown and out of the hospital that had given her bad vibes ever since Camille died there. Hank was against Erin signing the discharge forms but insisted that if she was going to leave the hospital that she was going to go home with him, so he could look after her in her old room. Erin sneaked a peak at Jay and then set her eyes on Hank, "Look Hank, I wasn't going to tell you for another couple of days but Jay and I are together, not just together like in the same room together but together like in a relationship and the only thing I really want to do tonight besides have a hot bath and a mug of herbal tea is be held by my boyfriend." At that comment Jay's cheeks reddened and Hank scoffed, but Erin ignored them both and continued, " I understand that it's something you'll have to adjust to but it is what it is and if you want me to stay at the house then Jays going to be staying over too and I…" Hank started to respond by saying that it was fine but Erin ploughed on with her rant and said, "It's not just some fling Hank. We're in a proper relationship and after a day like today I really just want to be with him. I love him. And he loves me. And we…" Hank had finally had enough and cut Erin off, "Erin! I said it was fine. I'll go back now and get your old room ready. Once all the forms are signed, you and Halstead make your way over. I'll throw something on the grill. I'll see you two later." Hank made his way over to Erin, bent down and pressed a kiss to her temple, and whispered into her ear, "it looks like you two have some stuff to talk about before you get to the house." Hank stood back up, nodded at Jay and walked out the door. Jay was still stood in shock from Erin's earlier admission when Erin plucked up the courage to speak again, "Jay…that's not what I meant. I mean not that I didn't want to say that, I did, I just… didn't want it to come out like that and it's been something that I've been thinking for a while and I…" While Erin rambled, Jay moved over to her bed, softly touched her unbruised cheek with the back of his hand and leaned in for a gentle kiss. "I love you too," he said, and Erin smiled so widely that her beaten face hurt even more. Jay continued and said "And I've wanted to say it since the day I first walked into the bullpen, and I wanted to say it again at your high school reunion, and again after we first kissed and again and…" then Erin cut him off, " Jay, I get it and I'm just glad that we're both in a place where we can say it and mean it and just continue loving each other and being in a relationship and maybe we're in a place when you could help me get my clothes on because I'm pretty sure I can't lift my arms to reach and undo this gown let alone pull on my work clothes." Jay chuckled at Erin's smooth transition between the subject of their relationship to the humour of her injuries and lack of independence because of those injuries. His only response was, "Of course I'll help you, you dork." And with that Jay helped Erin get dressed and they both started the slow walk out to the car, so they could make their way over to Hanks. Although Erin and Jay stayed at Hank's the first night after her trip to the hospital, the couple returned to Erin's apartment the next day so that Erin could relax in her own environment until she could go back to work. Erin tried her best to rest and stay put, but quickly found herself restless. After spending the first two days reading, cleaning and organising, Erin felt like her apartment had become a prison and had even resorted to calling Will to see if he'd give her the all-clear to go out for walks. The two weeks passed slowly, and despite Erin still not feeling herself, she had finally been cleared to go in for desk duty the following day. She walked out of Chicago Med that morning with a spring in her step, unaware that she would be rushing back there that night under a more severe circumstance.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: A little shorter than the last chapter, mostly because it's just where it felt right to put the chapter break. Some more action in this one. Let me know what you think. :)**

Erin was driving back home from Chicago Med, when her remaining symptoms started to make sense. Although the pain had gone, the lethargy and nausea were still lingering, so she stopped off at a drug store and picked up a few pregnancy tests. The reality of a possible baby only settled in once she had used the first test and was waiting for the results. While Erin paced in her bathroom, the intelligence squad were finishing up on the case they had been working on that week. A few days earlier a decapitated body was pulled out of the Illinois River, but the squad struggled to identify the body because the fingerprints were burned off. The lead came from the M.E.'s autopsy report, as she had stated that she discovered that the deceased had had both of his knees replaced. Burgess, who had been pulled up to intelligence during Erin's absence, traced the serial numbers to identify the victim – Clayton Hiller. The team had done some digging and had found out that Hiller was a basketball superstar, who would have been headed to the NBA after completing his senior year at Duke, except a tragic car accident days after winning a crucial game resulted in both his knees being shattered. Kevin and Antonio went to inform the family and came back with more questions than when they left. Despite Mr. Hiller's low paid job and Mrs. Hiller's role as a housewife, the victim's parents lived in a large house. Both detectives wondered how the couple afforded the mortgage, especially on top of paying for 3 children and major orthopedic surgery for Clayton. When Kevin and Antonio ascended the stairs into the bullpen, Antonio being the more senior detective informed Voight that they had returned, while Kevin went over to the white board and underneath the victim's picture and name, wrote 'money?' Moments later the whole squad had assembled to discuss the developments which had been made. Mouse was the first to speak when he said, "I found some irregularities in the financial statements and phone bills." Then he looked around at the expectant faces of his colleagues and he found himself nervous and suddenly he couldn't continue. Jay saw his friend's face instantly pale so spoke up to try and refocus him on the task rather than the pressure of everyone's attention being on him. "What kind of irregularities Mouse?" Jay said and locked eyes with his friend until Mouse nodded a little and looked back down at the sheets of paper in hands. Mouse then continued, "He…uh…he seemed to have three large payments transferred into his account, I tried to locate where it originated but the source of the money was untraceable, but the date of the transactions seems to coincide with a particular phone number. This number called Clayton the day before each payment and then about a month before the accident it called once a week and then after the accident it called every day until a few days before Clayton was found." Once mouse had stopped, Hank asked, "Could you trace the number?" Mouse made a face that almost resembled a smile and then hesitantly said, "Yeah… I could trace it, but I think it will have more meaning to you than it did to me. The calls came from Sanderson chemicals headquarters and I traced directly to the office of Jonathan Sanderson Jr, the son of the president of the company." Most of the team didn't seem to recognise the name that Mouse mentioned, but both Hank and Al not only knew the name but knew what had happened to result in the victim's death. Al only muttered the two words, "Loan shark," but he had spoken so softly that no one had heard what he said. So Hank repeated it, only louder and with more explanation when he gruffly said, "He's a loan shark, and has been in the game for years. Gives people money, then charges extortionate interest so it's impossible for them to pay it back. He threatens them, injures them and then kills them. Every time. And his father is so wealthy that his large team of lawyers always seem to get him of. But not this time. No one is going home until we find some hard evidence."

XXX

After struggling to find leads, Antonio eventually knocked on Voight's office ready to tell his boss of his somewhat unorthodox idea. Antonio entered the office once he heard Voight rasp a quick, "Come In." Antonio walked over, stood in front of his boss' desk and said, "I know how we can get him, but you're probably not going to like it." At that comment Voight raised an eyebrow because it was usually him who led the charge on ideas which the ivory tower wouldn't like, but he didn't interrupt, he just waited for Antonio to fill in the details. "I've got someone lined up to wear a wire. We send them in and wait for him to say something to incriminate himself. We'll wait nearby to make sure nothing goes sideways but should be fairly straight forward. We just need your go ahead to set everything in motion." And even though it should have been phrased as a question, Antonio said his piece with such adamancy that Voight was actually a little impressed. So to respond Voight just gave a small nod to approve the plan and with that Antonio turned, left the office and let the rest of the unit in on the plan.

XXX

Antonio, Voight and Jay were in a van around the north side of the building which was a mechanics auto-repair shop, whereas Adam, Al and Kevin were in a van around the south side. Fitting the wire on Antonio's CI Mo had been easy and he seemed to be steady under the pressure of getting what the unit needed on tape. But when Mo tried to leave his meeting with Sanderson, he started to get a little jumpy. He was stuttering and hesitating and eventually Sanderson got suspicious. Through their earpieces the intelligence squad heard Sanderson call his shady guards over to pat Mo down and the squad all immediately perked up in their seats. By the time Mo said, "there's no need for guns," everyone was out of their vehicles and ready to breach. Voight called out a countdown over the walkie talkies and upon his go ahead everyone entered. From both front and back, the intelligence squad made their way through to where the meeting was taking place, weaving through cars and tools as quietly as possible. Voight was leading the group from the front and Al was leading the group from the back. Everyone had their guns out and ready, but they were all trying to stay hidden. Voight and Al caught each other's eye but before the nod to make themselves known was given loud voices started booming, "Hey! Who's out there?... Hands up. We're armed." The unit had no choice but to move forward with their guns raised and announce who they were. Hank took the lead and barked, "CPD - You're surrounded. Put your hands where we can see them!" With all the noise, more of Sanderson's henchmen came out with their guns and suddenly they matched the numbers of police. Jay mumbled, "We're going to have to shoot our way out of here," to Antonio who was stood just behind him. Just as Jay finished his sentence, the first shot was fired. Everyone took cover, but it was hard to locate where the shots were coming from because of the echoing from the building and the ricocheting of bullets off the cars. Sanderson looked like a deer in headlights, frightened and scared, cowering behind one of his bulky guards. Antonio was the next to call out, "Sanderson, you tell your men to put their guns down and everyone walks out of here alive." Antonio tried to play Sanderson's businessman logic, but Sanderson's men were no longer following the orders of their weak leader. They were all pumped on adrenaline and thriving off the freedom of no longer paying attention to their boss. With any sign of movement, Sanderson's men were wilding shooting not even thinking about if they were shooting at their own guys. Al, Adam and Kevin had the best positioning as they were easily able to duck behind a large van while still having the angle to see and take down some offenders. With four out of the six armed guards taken out, the squad moved in ready to subdue the last two men. But they weren't going to give up, even when it was two against six and they continued to fire. Their shots were wild and unpredictable and thus were hard to avoid. So it wasn't surprising when a voice yelled into their walkie talkie, "Officer down, officer down. We need an ambo immediately to 3401 Ashland Avenue!"

XXX

With the ambulance on its way to Chicago Med, half the unit got in their cars to make their way to their hospital, while the other half took the remaining suspects to the district. Antonio was given the unenviable task of phoning Erin to tell her to get to Med as fast as she could. Erin answered the phone in a fairly chipper voice. Unaware that the team had gone on a bust, she didn't know there was even a possibility that the call could bare bad news. The mug of herbal tea she had just made was left to get cold on counter-top and she didn't even bother to change out of her pajamas before grabbing her keys and coat and rushing out the door. Erin's short drive over to the hospital was a struggle because of the tears constantly streaming down her cheeks.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Another flashback in here. Hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think :)**

As the ambulance pulled up to Chicago Med many familiar faces swarmed around Hank and Jay, but it was the younger officer who was in need of the medical attention. As they moved Jay into the emergency department Hank called out, "He took two bullets. The vest caught one, but the other one hit his right upper arm. We've been holding pressure, but he lost consciousness in the bus." As Dr Rhodes started tending to Jay, Maggie came into the bay to take Hank to the waiting room. He was reluctant to leave but Maggie mentioned that they'd be taking him into surgery and that the rest of the unit were already outside, so Hank knew the right thing to do would be to let the doctors work and go to join his unit. Hank went to make his way out but turned to Maggie and requested, "Can you just let us know if there are any changes?" Instead of responding Maggie gave Hank a sympathetic but quick nod before rushing back into the bay to help with Jay. Hank made his way into the waiting room and saw the faces of his unit, everyone's eyes hopeful for knowledge but Hank knew he had no valuable information, so he said, "They're working on him now, but he's got a long road ahead." As Hank finished speaking, he turned around because he heard someone calling his name. It was only when Will emerged through the throngs of moving people that the urgent tone made sense. Will looked around at the worried faces of the intelligence unit and said, "I just saw Jay's name on the O.R. board - what happened?" There was a long silence before Al spoke up and said, "Sting that went sideways. Jay caught two slugs." After Al mentioned the bullets Will's eyes widened and he went to say something, but Voight saw the error of his friends' statement, so he said, "The vest caught one and the other is in his upper right arm, so they must have gone in to remove the bullet. Maggie said she would get someone to let us know if they are any updates." Will let out a breath and stood for a moment just taking in that information, he then looked around and said, "Ok, so we wait," then he sat on a chair next to Adam and waited for news about Jay. Not long after Will joined intelligence in the waiting area, Erin burst through the doors. She immediately located her father figure and called out, "Hank! How is he?" Her voice was panicked, and her eyes were red. Although Hank expected Erin to be upset, he had only seen her this distraught once before.

XXX

2009

_It was Hanks worst day. It was the day that he buried his wife. After months of fighting, Camille lost her battle to ovarian cancer. It was a difficult time in the Voight household. From the moment the doctors had told Hank, Justin and Erin that Camille could pass at any time, each member of the family hadn't stopped crying albeit only when they were on their own. Days later when what remained of the family had left the cemetery, they drove back to the house in silence. After they pulled up to the house, Hank, Erin and Justin all got out of the car but none of them walked further than the front of the porch. Hank put an arm around each of his children and said, "I know she's not here anymore, but this is still her home ok, that's not going to change. We can still love her as much and still keep up the traditions she loved so much, ok. So, we're going to go in the house and we're not going to be sad because she's not here, we're going to be happy that we got so lucky to spend time with such an amazing person. Just let me know if you need anything. I love both of you." With that, Hank placed a gentle kiss on the temple of both Erin's and Justin's foreheads and then he proceeded to walk into his house. Justin quickly followed his dad through the door, not wanting to let Erin see him cry. He slammed his door when he reached his room wanting his dad, Erin and the entire world to know just how angry he was that his mum was no longer here. Erin wasn't sure how long she stood outside the house for. She never shed a single tear but as the afternoon slowly became evening and the temperature dropped Erin began to shiver and then her lip started to quiver. Before she knew it, Erin was standing outside the house in darkness of a cold winter evening with her arms wrapped around herself for comfort and for warmth. Hank was on his way upstairs to check on Justin when he passed the front door and through the glass window panes he saw Erin crushed in her own embrace outside. "Think it's time you come in now Erin." When he spoke, Erin's eyes lifted from the floor to her father figure and before he could get out another word, she bustled through the front door, up the stairs and into her room. So Hank continued his journey upstairs. He checked on Justin first, checking that he was ok and wasn't hungry and didn't want to talk. Then he braced himself for Erin, always tough cookie but he knew that Camille had a special place in her heart, so it was sure to be in pieces. Hank softly knocked on her door, but when he heard no response, he gently opened the door and the sight before him was not a happy one. Erin was lying in the foetal position on her bed, shaking as silent tears rolled down her cheeks. "Oh Erin," Hank whispered, although loud enough for her to hear because she turned to face him. At the sight of Hank in her doorway, something in Erin broke and her silent tears turned into loud and violent sobs. Hank quickly made his way over to her bed, pulled her up into a sitting position and enveloped her in a hug. "We'll be fine," he mumbled into the side of her head. Erin tried to speak, and her words were difficult to understand but as she went on and her crying softened Hank managed to make out a few of Erin's sentences. "I just … I wish I would have more time with her. I mean it took me months to trust you and then months to want to come and live with you and then months for her to like me and I… I just wasted so much time. We just wasted so much time. And now there won't be any more time, no more conversations, no more hugs, no more anything and I already miss her. Already. Then I walk into this house and all over again I'm reminded of her, and what I don't know about her, and what I want to know about her and ask her and tell her and it can never happen. I love this house. I truly love being in this house. It's the first place that I have ever felt safe, this is the first place I've ever considered my home. But it's not these walls or the ceiling, it's the people. It's you and Justin and Camille. And now a third of my home is gone. And she's never coming back. And this is just me, this is just how I feel. And then I remember she wasn't even my mum. She was your wife, and she was Justin's mum and if I feel this way, I can't even begin to imagine how you guys feel." At that she started to cry again. He held her against himself, rubbing soothing circles against her back until her crying subsided. Then she turned to look at her father figure, her eyes red rimmed and swollen from the tears. _

XXX

Those were the wild and afraid eyes that found Hank in Chicago Med's Emergency department waiting room.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I've enjoyed writing this fic so much, hope you guys are enjoying too. Let me know what you think :)**

Erin rushed up to Hank, wrapped her arms around him and choked out, "What happened?" Hank led Erin over to some chairs so she could sit as he told her everything he knew. It wasn't long before Will had returned to the waiting room to update the intelligence team and said, "He's made it through surgery, which is good. He's not out of the woods yet but if he makes it through the night he should be in the clear. As you all know he was in surgery for a long time and he lost quite a lot of blood, so it might take him awhile to wake up. He's just come out of recovery so he should be in his room and we can all go see him now but its best that the whole team doesn't stay too long." Everyone stood up from their seats and followed Will through the hospital corridors until they got to Jay's room. The whole team filed in the small doorway until they were all crowded around the bed. After everyone had seen Jay, and had seen that he was ok, Hank told most of the team to leave and that he or Erin would keep them up to date. He knew that this was a waiting game, and there just wasn't space in Jay's tiny hospital room to accommodate the whole of intelligence. Erin was curled up on the upright chair next to Jay's bed, while Hank was pacing the floor. Hours passed by and nothing changed with Jays condition. Eventually Erin turned to her father figure and said, "Hank, it's ok if you go." Hank went to interrupt her, but she held up her hand and continued, "It's going to be hours. We both know it. If anything changes, I will let you know, and you can always come back. I mean it's what? A thirty-minute drive from home." Hank thought for a minute about what she had said, he questioned her slip up about calling his house home when she hadn't lived there for almost a decade but accepted her statement anyway. He walked around the bed to where she was sitting and leaned down to kiss her temple, then he said, "ok, I'll go home. But you know if you need anything, I'm just a call away. I'll see you tomorrow kid." With that Hank turned around and left the room. Leaving Erin alone with Jay and the slightly unnerving beeping of his monitors.

XXX

Throughout the night, Jay had been periodically waking up, sometimes he was in intense pain, other times he just wanted a sip of water. But with each waking he grasped Erin's hand to confirm for both of them that they were ok. Every time he held her hand, she woke up from her restless sleep, but she always welcomed it because it meant that he was ok and that he would be still be coming home to her.

XXX

After a few days in the hospital, Jay was allowed home with nothing but a sling and a couple of bottles of pills. He was told that he had to rest for a minimum of two weeks and that under no circumstance could he do anything strenuous in that time. He took what his doctors said seriously as he was just happy to be released back home and into the care of Erin. During the car ride home, Erin noticed that Jay was touching his head a lot and was frowning and scrunching his eyes closed. When she asked him about it, he only said that he wasn't feeling great. So once they had parked and Erin had helped Jay get himself and his bag back into her apartment, she made sure he had everything within reach – the tv controller, a bottle of water, a plate of snacks and all of his medication. She looked at him, eyes shut, wedged next to the arm of the sofa with pillows along his other side to prop up his injured arm. She walked to the sofa and kissed his cheek. "If everything is ok here, I'm going to have a quick shower and then get started on dinner. I was thinking… spaghetti," she said, looking at his slightly pained facial expression. She then followed up quickly with, "Is everything ok here?" Jay opened his eye nearest to her and gave her a small smile. "Just a headache, nothing these painkillers can't fix. You shower, I'm going to stay here and listen to the tv. And yes, if I need anything I'll yell," as he finished speaking, he smirked, knowing he had already answered her next question. Erin then got up and headed to the bathroom, she was excited to wash off the layers of yuck she felt on her skin from being in the hospital so much in the last few days. As she didn't hear Jay call out for her, Erin took her time washing her hair and getting herself to feel truly clean. By the time she came out into the living room, Jay wasn't where she had left him on the sofa. But she could hear him, so she moved towards the noise into the kitchen. That's where she found jay struggling to chop vegetables. "Jay," Erin said, "I said I'd make dinner, you are meant to be resting." Jay didn't turn to look at her. He kept trying to chop the vegetables but did respond by saying, "I don't need to rest Erin, I'm feel fine and I wanted to get a head start on cooking dinner for my mum." That left Erin confused, she didn't even know how to respond to what he had just said. Not only had Jays mum passed away before the couple had met, but Jay always found himself too emotional to talk about her so Erin barely knew anything about her. Erin pushed what he had said aside and told Jay she would make dinner now she was out the shower and that he could go back to the sofa. Once Jay was settled, Erin chopped the vegetables and called Will. Once he picked up Erin immediately started speaking rapid fire, "Will, I'm really worried about Jay! He had a headache earlier and was touching his head a lot and now he's says weird stuff and acting really confused, like thinking your mum is still alive confused. I don't have a clue how this is related to his arm. It literally makes no sense. But I'm really worried about him and I need your help." On the other end of the phone, Will processed the information and calmly tried to reassure Erin. He said, "I've just started a shift at the hospital, why don't you bring him in so we can check him out." That was most effective in keeping Erin calm, the moment she knew she could bring Jay to the hospital she felt like the whole situation was back in control.

XXX

The car ride back to the hospital was stressful. Jay was getting tired and Erin was insistent that he was not allowed to close his eyes. When they walked into the emergency department, Dr Connor Rhodes was waiting for them. He helped them into a bay and nurses started taking Jay's vitals while the doctor spoke to Erin. "Hi Erin, what seems to be the trouble?" Connor said. By this point, Jay could hardly keep his eyes open. Erin looked at Connor, then over to Jay and then back again at the doctor. "So, it started in the car journey home," she said, "He was touching his head, frowning, complaining of a headache. I didn't really think anything of it but by the time I came out the shower he was acting odd and saying things that didn't make sense. And now he's acting all lethargic and listless and not at all like himself and it just all really worried me." As Erin finished her sentence, a nurse interrupted to tell Connor that Jay had lost consciousness. Connor left Erin's side, did a couple of checks on Jay and mumbled to the nurses. The nurses then began to wheel Jay out of the room which caused Erin's eyes to go wide. Before she even got words out, Connor started to speak, "Ok Erin, the confusion and the loss of consciousness is a little worrying. You did the right thing to bring him back in. From looking at him I can't see if anything is wrong, so we're going to send him up for a CT to see what's happening." With that Dr Rhodes was called elsewhere and told Erin to go to the waiting room and that someone would update her soon before he rushed off. When she sat down, she texted Will to let him know what was going on. Then she phoned Hank to tell him that they were back at the hospital. After Hank had told her he would come sit with her in the hospital and she had hung up the phone, Erin finally let the tears fall. It was the second time in just over a week that she wasn't sure if the man she loved would make it out of the hospital alive.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I've got some exciting stuff coming up. Hope you're enjoying it. Let me know what you think :)**

When Connor came into the waiting room, he didn't have much time to let Erin and Hank know what was going on. Before the two had even stood up from their chairs, Connor said, "We've looked at his scans, and it seems he's had a brain bleed. Normally we'd leave it to see if the problem could resolve on its own, but because his body is still recovering from the stress of being shot, we don't think that would happen and it's starting to increase the pressure inside his head. So we're going to go in and manually get rid of the blood. He's on his way into surgery right now – I'm just about to head up there to scrub in. People will come down to update you on his condition." As quickly as he had arrived, he had gone, leaving both Hank and Erin to process what he had said.

XXX

Compared to the heightened emotions in the waiting room, the operating theatre was calm. Despite Jay's uncertain fate, the doctors were easily making their way through the steps of the surgery. By the time Erin and Hank received their first update, the surgeons had opened Jay's skull and were suctioning the excess blood around his brain. By the second update, they had got rid of all the loose blood around his brain and had started to reattach the bone flap with plates and screws. The third and final update was to tell Erin and Hank that the surgery had gone well, and that Jay was in recovery.

XXX

As soon as she knew that Jay was out of surgery, Erin let out a breath she didn't realise she was holding. The stress of the last few days had taken its toll on Erin. The lack of sleep resulted in dark circles under her eyes and had left her even more nervous and on edge. Both Erin and Hank walked through the hallways of the hospital, apprehensive about what they would see when they finally entered Jay's room. When the pair reached the correct room, they both paused, Erin to take a deep breath in attempts to calm her nerves, and Hank to check how Erin was coping. What Hank found was that Erin was fidgeting with her fingers, pulling at the end of each digit like she did as teenager. To combat this, he put one steadying hand on top of both of hers, then he moved to wrap his other arm around her and bring her in for a hug. "We can't panic, not until we know what's going on," he rasped. Erin only nodded in response, the movement causing Hank to feel her quite tears soaking into his t-shirt. "Let's go see how he's doing then," he punctuated by squeezing her a little and then releasing her from his hold. Before they went into Jays room Hank handed Erin a handkerchief to wipe her eyes and nose. Once she no longer looked too distraught, Hank nudged her forward so they could both walk into Jay's hospital room. It was a difficult scene for Erin to see. Some of Jay's head was covered by a bandage, and even from the end of the room she could see that some of his hair had been shaved off, right at the place she loved so much to weave her fingers through as they kissed. Other than his bandage Jay physically looked ok, but it was the worry of how he would be mentally once he woke up that worried Erin.

XXX

It was the slight movement of his fingers in hers that alerted Erin to Jays coming to. It had been 6 long hours since Jay had been out of surgery and Erin had not been able to rest for one moment of it. She had spent the whole time looking for any changes. But when Erin finally felt something, she gasped, loud enough for Hank to hear. She was stuck for a few seconds, just staring at Jays hand, until Hanks voice brought her out of her trance. "What is it Erin? Is he waking up?" Hank questioned. At the sound of Hank's voice Erin looked up, but she didn't answer him. Instead she ran out the room to alert the nurses and doctors that Jay was waking up.

XXX

With the hustle and bustle of people rushing into his room, Jay was fully woken up. Dr Rhodes was over to the side of his bed immediately. First the doctor lifted Jay's eyelids and shone a pen light in his eyes. After a few more tests checking Jay's arms, legs and face, the doctor started to ask Jay some questions. "Hi Jay, we're just going to do few checks ok. Do you know where you are?" A nod. "Do you recognise the people in this room?" Another nod and this time as his eyes moved lazily around the room and finally rested on Erin, he gave a fleeting smile. "Can you tell me what year it is?" Jay opened his mouth and tried to say 2020, but what came out was "'wenny 'wenny." Even Jay looked confused, as if what came out of his mouth was not what expected to hear and certainly not how he wanted to say it. Dr Rhodes wrote something down and then looked back at Jay, "Did you mean twenty twenty?" A nod. "Was it hard to say?" Jay furrowed his eyebrows as if to think about it and then nodded again. Dr Rhodes then said, "Jay, I'm just going to go outside and talk to Erin and Hank for a bit, is that ok?" Jay looked over at the doctor with glassy eyes but eventually he nodded and then Dr Rhodes motioned for both Erin and Hank to join him outside the room. Once outside the doctor started to speak immediately, "We saw some good signs showing Jays recovery from the brain bleed. He's well oriented, he can remember the date, where he is, and who everyone is. We aren't sure why it happened. It could have been from the general anaesthetic he had for the gunshot. He could have had a weakness in the vessels the burst under the stress his body was under from the gunshot. He might have had a weakness there that would have burst anyway. We might never find out why it happened, but all that matters is that we fixed it. Now the speech slurring could be from muscle weakness, during the tests I did notice some weakness and altered movements. Maybe that will return as the anaesthesia continues to wear off, maybe he'll be able to retrain his muscles with the help of physical and occupational therapy, but there is a small chance and I do mean just a small chance that this is it. This is how Jay might be for the rest of his life." Both Erin and Hank looked very overwhelmed by everything Dr Rhodes had said. Neither of them said anything to respond, so the doctor spoke again, "We will set him up with some physical therapy, to work on gaining the strength back and we can also refer him to a speech therapist if his speech doesn't improve when the anaesthesia wears off. As long as we can keep him stable and infection free, you could be looking to take him home as soon as next week. We will keep checking on him every half an hour or so and a nurse will be in later with some information about recovery after brain surgery. Let us know if you need anything." Dr Rhodes was paged, so he left quickly to tend to another problem, while Erin and Hank slowly made their way back to Jays room. As they approached the door, Hank reached for Erin's arm to stop her. "I'm going to give you to some time. I'm just a call away if you need anything," he rasped, punctuating his statement with a hug. When Hank had walked off, Erin took a steadying breath and then walked back into Jay's room. As she was entering a nurse was leaving, having just taken blood for some tests. Erin moved across the room and into the rigid chair that sat next to Jay's bed. When she set her hand down on top of his, Jay's head snapped towards her, his eyes sad and lonely and desperate for information. "So I've finished talking to the doctor, do...um do you want to know what he said?" Erin asked, unsure of what he wanted, whether it was to sit in silence or having constant chatter to take his mind off it. Jay tried to grasp her hand as he nodded, craving more information about why he was in the hospital and why he was struggling to move and talk. "Ok, I'll tell you everything he told me, but you have to promise me you'll tell me if it gets too much," Erin said, this time pleading with him to try and look after his mental health as well as his physical health. "So you remember having surgery for a gunshot wound," he nodded in response. Then Jay tried to lift a hand to his face to wipe the tears that had started to roll down his cheeks, but with his weakness Jay was taking a long time to move his hand up. So eventually Erin took his hand in hers and moved them, so together they could wipe away his tears. "Well once we got you home, you started acting out of sorts and I got… worried. When we came in, they took you for some scans. They said you'd had a brain bleed and they needed to operate immediately. And now we are here" Erin explained. But Jay asked her a question without even having to talk because he used his eyes. He looked at Erin, then looked at himself, and then back to Erin. The tears started to roll down his cheeks again. Together, again, they wiped his tears away. She continued, "The surgery went well, but the brain is a mystery. You've woken up with some weakness, which is worse on your left side. Your speech also seems to be affected, but again that could be the anaesthesia, so they are waiting to see if that resolves on its own. They're not sure if it's from the anaesthesia but seeing as the weakness is still here, they're thinking it might not be." Jay seemed to take in everything Erin said, nodding occasionally. He tried to get some words out, but alongside the weakness he was gradually getting more and more emotional, so they were very jumbled and slurred. But even so, Erin knew what he would ask. She knew what he wanted to know. "There's a small chance that its permanent, but it's a really small chance. Dr Rhodes said that its most likely to get easier with some physical therapy and that you'll regain strength with time," she said. Jay seemed weighed down by the information and soon his eyes fluttered closed.

XXX

The next time Jay was awake he tried to talk to her, "Err… I'm thorry," he said. And although it was a little slurred, the sleep seemed to have helped because each word was distinguishable from one another, which wasn't the case before. Erin tilted Jay's chin towards her, so she could look into his eyes. "You do not need to apologise. You have nothing and I mean nothing to apologise for. You got hurt at work. We do a dangerous job and we know what the risks are. This is just a complication. A bump in the road. A hurdle to jump over. We'll handle it. Together. Ok. I'm not going anywhere. So we will handle it together, whatever the ends result is. You and me, in it for the long haul. And you can be sad, or you can be angry, you can feel whatever you want to feel. But you don't get to be sorry because you did nothing wrong. So have a rest. I'll be sitting right here when you wake up. And if you want to talk then we can talk, or if you want to sit in silence, we can do that, but whatever we do we're going to do it together. You and me, forever. Now get some sleep. I love you."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hope you're enjoying the fic so far. Let me know what you think :)**

A few days after his brain surgery, Jay had his first physical therapy appointment. Although his speech had improved once the anaesthesia wore off, his muscle weakness had persisted, so Dr Rhodes referred Jay to a physical therapist in the hospital to work on his strength. Erin was in Jay's room, playing around on her phone, waiting for him to return. Jay was gone for just under an hour, but when he returned his t-shirt and shorts were damp with sweat and his eyes were red rimmed and puffy. For Jay, it had been an overwhelming hour filled with pain and frustration. He was used to being strong and capable and suddenly he was being wheeled around because the walk from the Physical therapy room to his room was too much for his weakened body to handle. Each step required intense concentration and lots of effort from Jay. His physical therapist listened as he cried about not being the same man he was, as he worried about never being able to do his job again and as he fretted over his future with Erin despite her constant assurances that they would be fine. When Jay was wheeled into the room by an orderly, he mumbled a thank you before slowly getting up and shuffling towards the bathroom. Erin stood up and made a move to open the bathroom door for him, but as she got there, Jay shot her an icy glace. So instead of helping him like she wanted to, Erin apologised and then moved back to her chair. While Jay was preoccupied, Erin sat and stewed about what she had done. She was confused about what was wrong. She was helping him, at least she thought she was helping him. She wondered why he looked so infuriated by her actions. Jay took his time in the bathroom, alongside his already slowed movements, he had to take extra care to avoid getting his wound wet. As Jay shuffled out the bathroom and towards his bed, Erin tracked him with her eyes, but she waited to say something until he was sat down and comfortable. Jay managed to get himself to the bed, but once he was perched on it, he struggled to push his legs off the floor and maneuver them onto the bed. After a few minutes, Erin called out to him, "Jay…," as if to ask if she could help him. When he looked over to her, he no longer looked angry, only dejected. So Erin took that as approval for her request. She bent to the floor, lifted both his feet and slowly swung them onto the bed. Instead of going back to her chair, Erin perched on the edge of his bed. "Jay… are you ok?" she questioned, only to get a nod in response. "Are you sure?" she said, this time only to get a shake of his head in return. "That's ok. It's ok to not be fine. A lot has happened. But I wanted to ask why you seemed angry at me before… you know, when I went to help you into the bathroom. Can you tell me why you were angry?" she asked. Jay looked at her, suddenly aware of how Erin is affected by his situation. He took a second to compose himself, then softly said, "I'm not angry… I mean not at you. I'm angry at myself, at the situation. But not you, never you." At the end, he moved one of his hands to rest on top of hers. Erin gave him a look to say she didn't quite believe him, especially after how he looked at her earlier. So he continued, "Ok, maybe I was a little angry, but not because you wanted to help. I understand that you want to help. And sometimes I want your help, but sometimes I want you to let me do it on my own. I'm a lot slower than I used to be, I know that. It's just if I don't keep doing things no matter how slowly, it might get to a point where I might not be able to do anything for myself. I can't do my job anymore, I can't drive anymore, … I mean I can barely walk properly now. I am a literal shell of the man I used to be and there's nothing I can do to change it. I guess being useless is just something I'm going to have to get used to." Erin wanted to interrupt, to tell him that he's not useless, and that he can work to get his strength back and even if he never does, he can still be the same guy he was even if he's not a cop anymore. She went to open her mouth, to let all the words she was thinking out, but Jay stopped her, clearly able to see what she was about to do. "Please don't say anything Erin, right now I don't particularly want to hear it. Can we just… sit for a while," he begged. Erin nodded, understanding that he needed some time, and said, "There's a game on. How about we watch that." He nodded, no longer wanting to interact, then he pulled his hand away from hers, sunk back into his pillow and closed his eyes. Erin took this a sign that he wanted to rest, escape from himself for a little while. So she got off his bed, whispered that she loved him and softly placed a kiss on his cheek, but she knew that the conversation wasn't over. She couldn't have Jay thinking so little of himself. She couldn't let him devalue is life. Especially when she had fought so hard to save it.

XXX

When Jay was released from the hospital for the second time, Erin was armed with information. She knew exactly what to expect, what signs were normal, and she could recite off the top of her head what signs she should bring him back into hospital for. Once they parked outside her apartment, Erin sat in the car after she had turned off the ignition. She wanted to say something to him but didn't know how to. So she just ripped off the plaster and said, "I know you don't want help, but adjusting to being at home is going to be hard. There's no constant care, no nurses or doctors to do stuff for you or to answer your questions. It's just me. And you said that you want to do everything yourself. But there might come a time when I need to help, just to make both of our lives easier. We can use our judgement, so I'm not doing everything, so you can retain your freedom but also at the same time we won't be silly about it and make our lives harder." Although Jay had technically heard everything that she had said, after she had called her apartment his home, he stopped processing her words. "You called your apartment home," he said and despite his sadness, he managed a small smile. "Well I was going to ask you to move in before you got shot, and I think at the moment it makes sense for you not to be on your own, but I'd love if you moved in with me," Erin said, her cheeks flushing in embarrassment. All jay said in response was, "I'd love to live with you."

XXX

The journey from the car up to the apartment was slow. Erin had her bag and Jay's bag, while Jay just concentrated on getting himself from the car and into the lift. Though his physical therapy was progressing well, Jay still walked slowly and with a slight limp, so he had been given a cane to help steady his movements. Once the couple and their belongings were in the apartment, Erin worked on getting Jay settled before she sorted herself out. Once he was on the sofa, Erin said, "We can make the changes that the occupational therapist suggested. Like you can sleep on the side of the bed closer to the bathroom in case you need to go in the night, and we can put a mat in the shower so it doesn't get slippery in there and if that's not good enough maybe we can look into a chair in there, that might be better. I'm going to go and unpack the bags and do a couple of chores. Just let me know if you need anything." Erin then grabbed their bags and took them into the bedroom. Once everything was back where it was meant to be, Erin switched their bedside tables, so his belongings were now on the right side of the bed and hers were on the left. When they were at the hospital, Jays occupational therapist had pulled her aside after one of his sessions. He said that Jays movement had improved but he isn't fast about getting anywhere, so if he needs to go to the bathroom in the night and he's tired it could cause problems. The OT had said that it's just easier to avoid the ramifications both physical and mental of Jay not making it to the toilet in time by making it as easy as possible for him to get there. After she had completed that task, Erin went about the apartment doing some basic chores. She put on a load of washing, she made Jay and herself some lunch and the she cleaned the kitchen. When that was done, she went around collecting the rubbish from all the rooms. Erin finally went into the guest bedroom and bathroom, the last rooms in her lap around the apartment. Here she saw the used pregnancy tests on the counter in the guest bathroom, untouched since before Jay had gone back into hospital because every time she had been home, it was only to shower and change her clothes. Erin walked over to pick them up, she looked at what they said and then she threw them in the bin, not wanting to deal with the result.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: some conversations about the future for Linstead. Let me know what you think :)**

Jay had been home for a few weeks when he started to notice Erin's symptoms. She had been avoiding coffee, but she tended to do that when she was stressed because the caffeine made her feel worse. And even though she was trying to hide it, it was the third consecutive morning that he had heard Erin being sick and those together with her doing desk duty at work, all concerned him. She had told him that she wasn't focused enough to go in for busts or to go and apprehend suspects, but that didn't sound like Erin at all. One of the parts of the job she loved the most was how the action distracted her from her real life. It was a Sunday morning, and Jay was sitting at the table and drinking a hot squash. Erin was in the bathroom and he could hear her being sick, but she had tried to cover the sound by turning the tap on. When she returned to the table to drink her tea, Jay looked at her, pondering whether or not to ask his burning question. He decided to do it, so he cleared his throat to get her attention and then said, "I want to ask you a question and I want you not to freak out." Then before she could say anything, he blurted out, "I think you're pregnant. I mean you been sick and you're avoiding coffee and doing desk duty, and the only thing that fits is that you're pregnant." Erin looked at him wide eyed, shocked that he had figured it out especially as she thought she was hiding it well. "I…. am…. pregnant. I mean, I think I am. I did a few tests before you got shot but everything has been so hectic that I haven't really done anything about it," she said. Although by Jays reaction, she realised she had phrased what she wanted to say badly because he misunderstood her words. He quickly responded with, "I didn't know that getting rid of it was something you were thinking about. I mean I know you don't want kids, but I know that you know I love kids and I've always imagined myself having them. So I'm not sure how I feel about you 'doing something about it' without talking to me." Erin wanted to interrupt to tell him that she didn't mean get rid of it when she said do something, she meant sort out an OB or get a blood test. But she didn't have a chance as Jay continued to say, "and I know that the good guy thing to say is that it's your body and your choice. And I do think that, I mean it is your body and you do get to choose what's happening to it and I get that pregnancy is a massive shift, but that baby is half mine. I'd at least like to talk about it before you do anything." By the end he had started to get flustered and was beginning to hyperventilate and not get his words out well. So Erin held out her hand as if to stop him and then waited for him to calm down. The she said, "Jay, when I said I had done anything about it, I didn't mean an abortion," at the he visibly became less agitated. Then she continued, "I meant that I haven't had a blood test to confirm it and I haven't lined up an OB and I haven't got any prenatal vitamins. I promise, if I was considering getting rid of it, I would have told you first. I would have talked to you about it." She walked around the table, sat down on the chair next to him and held his hand. "I wasn't trying to keep anything from you. I just wasn't entirely ready to face it myself. And it's funny actually, you were right when you said I never wanted kids. But being with you has kind of changed my mind. There are times when I see you with kids and I can't help but imagine what our kids would be like, what they would look like. When I think about our future now, I see summers in the cabin with kids running around outside, doing the school run before roll call, even a house and a white picket fence. All things I never imagined I would get because of who I am, because of where I came from. But you have given me that, you have given me hope for a future that I never thought I'd get. So now you know, maybe we can start preparing for it." Jay smiled at that, glad that she's able to see a future with him. "Well the first thing I think we should do is go to the hospital and get a blood test to confirm before we do anything else," Jay said. He slowly got up and moved into the kitchen to get her car keys and coat. Then he handed them to her before he put on his own coat so they could both make their way out of the apartment and start their journey to the hospital.

XXX

When they got to the hospital the couple found Dr Manning and asked her to run a blood test because they thought there was a chance Erin could be pregnant. While Natalie was taking the blood, she asked Erin a couple of questions about her symptoms and how long they'd been going on for. Erin answered her questions but made a request that the test be done under the name Jane Doe. They knew so many doctors at the hospital and she didn't want anyone to see her name or the results. Natalie took the vials of blood and told Erin and Jay that the results would take a few hours. For three long hours the couple sat in a side room, not really doing anything other than waiting for the results. When Dr Manning finally came back with the results, she confirmed what they thought. Erin was pregnant and by the looks of her results, she was around nine weeks. The two left the hospital hand in hand, with the knowledge that they'd be returning in two weeks for an ultrasound where they both hoped they would hear the heartbeat.

XXX

When they were in the car on the way home Jay started talking rapid fire about all the things they needed to do. "The first thing we've got to do is sort out the guest room, to get it set up for the baby. I mean the apartment is barely Jay friendly let alone baby friendly. What are we going to do with the big bed in there? We don't really have the space to store it and the room isn't big enough for the bed and a crib and changing table. Maybe we should buy somewhere bigger, you know earlier you said you saw us with a house and a white picket fence, I guess we can start working on that now. You know babies come with a lot of stuff. When there's just us the apartment is spacious but with a baby and everything they come along with, I reckon it will feel very full quite quickly. Oh! And it's good you've been doing desk duty, I suppose you'll have to tell Hank otherwise he'll begin to question why you're chained to a desk," he said, all while smiling, the happiness about having a baby radiating off of him. "Jay I don't want to tell Hank…" Erin said. Though Jay quickly interrupted her when he said, "Erin, he's your dad and your boss. You have to tell him. It won't be too long before he figures out for himself. I mean I don't know what you've heard but from what I've heard, pregnancy comes along with a couple of changes and some are them are quite visible." Erin let out a laugh at Jay's sarcasm and then went on to continue what she was saying, "If you would have let me finish, I was going to say that I don't want to tell Hank yet… I want to wait until I'm at least twelve weeks. You heard what Natalie about the first trimester, once we're past it then it's unlikely we'll miscarry. But until then you never know. Plus I'm a lightning rod for bad luck, so I'd rather wait to tell him because I can't imagine telling him and then something going wrong. Now onto what you were saying about the apartment. I love my apartment. It's the first place that I've had which I could call my own and then when you moved in, it became the first placed I've ever lived with anyone in a committed relationship. This place holds a lot of firsts for me, so I think giving it up will be difficult. But we can assess the situation in a couple of months once we've bought some of the stuff a baby needs and then if we think it's necessary to get a bigger place then we'll start looking." By the end of her monologue, she had pulled up outside their building, so instead of continuing the conversation Erin offered to put the kettle on.

XXX

After confirming that she was pregnant, Erin seemed to be feeling the symptoms of her pregnancy at a far greater intensity. Throughout the afternoon Erin was sick five times and by dinnertime her sense of smell was so heightened that she could only eat a piece of dry toast as anything else made her extremely nauseous. After eating, they both went straight into the bedroom, hoping that relaxing would make them both feel better. Erin was quite low on energy, so Jay took the opportunity to look after her like she had been doing for him for the last month. Although he was slower than she would have been, he made her drinks, brought her crackers and made her hot water bottles, though he could only bring her one thing at a time as his walking wasn't stable unless he used his cane. When he brought in a cup of her favourite herbal tea, she thanked him with a tired smile. He placed a soft kiss on her cheek and then said, "I like taking care of you, you know. Practice for being a house husband." And though she could tell he was joking, there was a slight tinge of resignation. As if all he could do was be a house husband because he'd never be able to return to police. The thought made Erin sad because she knew how much Jay loved being in intelligence and she saw everyday how much he valued being able to help people. So she tried to comfort him by saying, "You can be more than a house husband Jay. You can come back to intelligence, even if your strength doesn't come back you can still do what I'm doing now, you can still talk to suspects, you can still do detective work if you want to. I mean tonight alone you have proved just how capable you still are. And I know you like to take care of me, but I like it better when we take care of each other." Jay moved his hand until his pinky finger was touching hers and then he whispered, "I don't know how to be a dad." Erin turned her head towards him, leaned over until the tips of their noses were touching and whispered back, "I don't know how to be a mum, but maybe we'll be able to figure it out together."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: A little case, and then some more developments about Linstead's future. Let me know what you think :)**

The next morning, Erin went into work only to find out that the team had been called out to a crime scene in Garfield Park. When they got back, everyone looked particularly forlorn. Although they didn't do cheery work, most of the time the team were like normal colleagues with lots of jokes and banter to keep up morale. But sometimes there was a case which affected everyone more than normal and they usually involved kids. This time it was two kids who got caught in the crossfire of a drive by shooting. Antonio caught Erin up when the team got back to the bullpen, two kids were playing outside their house before school when a car drove by and released five shots. All bullets were supposedly intended for the boy selling drugs on the corner but only one hit him and it only got his thigh. But the remaining four bullets hit the kids and they were both dead before their mum had come out the front door to see what was happening. Erin felt all the air leave her lungs when Antonio said it was kids, with her now being a mum she had the overwhelming urge to rip off the heads of whoever pulled the trigger. Half the team were out canvassing the neighbourhood to see if anyone saw anything, or knew which gang rivaled the one who was selling drugs on the corner. Erin and Antonio went to speak to the mum to see if she noticed anything out of the ordinary that morning, but they couldn't get much information from her because every time they asked her a question she burst into tears. The other half of the team were searching through street cameras and shop cameras to see if they could make out the number plate of the car or follow its journey back to where the people resided. It was a long slog, staring at a screen for hours but eventually Ruzek found a street camera that caught the number plate of the car from the corner of the road. The car turned out to be stolen, but Mouse managed to use street cameras to follow its journey away from the scene. The car ended up at a G Park Lords stash house, so everyone started reaching out to their CI's to see what they knew.

XXX

By the next morning one of Al's Ci's had come through with information. Overnight when the gang's young runners were hanging out in the park, two of the boys were bragging about taking down a rival corner boy. He gave up the names of the shooter and the driver but told Al that he wouldn't come in to make a statement because it would be too risky. Isaiah Johnson and James Little were the two suspects and were known to hang around an old diner only a few roads away from the crime scene. It was Atwater and Ruzek who were sent to pick up the two boys, but it proved harder than they originally thought when both boys ran away when they saw the officers approaching. Eventually they managed to get both boys under control and then handcuffed so they could bring them into the precinct. Once they were in separate interrogation rooms it was clear which boy was the leader and which boy was the follower. Isaiah was tough and he talked back to Voight with sass and sarcasm, whereas James crumbled as soon as he was alone, even though he was only being interrogated by Erin who wasn't nearly as intimidating as Voight. After seeing the pictures of the two kids, James broke down in tears, he hadn't realised anyone other than the rival dealer had been hit. He quickly made a statement, turned on his friend and took up the plea deal that Erin offered. But Isaiah showed no remorse, even when he saw the photos of the kids, even when Voight had told him that his friend had turned on him. Both boys were taken away to holding until they could be transferred later in the day.

XXX

When Erin got home later that day, she found Jay on the sofa watching tv. He looked so calm and relaxed that Erin didn't want to disturb him, but at that moment in time she wanted nothing more than to be held in his arms. Erin quietly moved further into the apartment and sat down next to him. "Hey babe, how was your day?" He said, only to be given a look which said she didn't want to talk about it. "Ok… so not great, how about you take a long bath while I make some dinner, then we cuddle and watch the game," he said. She just nodded and then made her way into their bedroom. When Erin returned to the kitchen, Jay was just finishing making dinner. "Oooh it smells amazing in here. What are you making?" she said, closing her eyes and breathing in the succulent aroma. "Your favourite - I had a bad day and want food to fix it – meal. Spaghetti bolognese. Plus I bought tons of cheese so we can fully indulge," Jay responded with a wide grin, knowing he had already made her day better.

XXX

Later on when they were in bed and Erin was engulfed in Jays arms, she whispered his name to see if he was still awake. He was, so she said, "Thanks for tonight. I've had a terrible couple of days and I hate when cases involve kids but relaxing with you tonight has made me feel so much better. I love you," she punctuated her sentence with a yawn and slowly drifted off to sleep in his arms. And although Erin was sleeping soundly, Jay was restless with her in his arms. He had so many thoughts racing through his mind that he couldn't settle down enough to fall asleep. The feeling he had with Erin resting against his chest was one that he never wanted to give up. He wanted to wake up every morning to look at her face and he wanted to go to bed every night with her in his arms. That was the moment that Jay decided he was going to propose, so they could be together every day for the rest of their lives.

XXX

The next time Jay saw Will was a few days later at the hospital when Jay was in for his physical therapy appointment. Jay was sweaty from the hard work and he was tired from the emotional energy PT took from him, but he wanted to talk to his brother while Erin wasn't around. "Will, wait up man," Jay called out, doing his best to walk to his brother as quickly as possible. "Jay! How are you? How was physical therapy?" Will asked, happy to see his brother smiling. "I'm fine, it was fine. Everything is fine. That's not what I found you to talk about. I was wondering if you had mum's ring…" Jay said, Will's eyes going wide at the implication of his brother's question. Jay continued, "I want to propose to Erin. Soon. And I want to do it with mum's ring…if you're ok with it. I just think mum would have really liked her and would have wanted Erin to have her ring. And if you're ok with it, I want to give it to her." Will stopped Jays movements by putting his hand on his brother's shoulder and then wrapped him in a bear hug. "Yes, of course you can have the ring. I'll bring it round tonight after shift, maybe I'll even stay for dinner... I'm so happy for you!" Will said, beaming at the thought of Jay finally getting his happy ending.

XXX

When Will knocked on the door, he heard the slow and steady tapping of Jay's cane against the floor until the door opened in front of him. Will said, "Hi, I've got the…" but was quickly interrupted by Jay loudly saying, " Hi Will, so glad you could come over for dinner," then Jay gave his brother a look that questioned his intelligence and then whispered, "what is wrong with you, Erin is making dinner right now. Were you actually about to announce that you'd brought the ring?" Will gave his brother an apologetic shrug before slipping the ring box into Jay's hand, so he could then step into the apartment to greet his future sister-in-law. As they were getting ready to eat dinner, Will saw the synergy between the couple as they both worked to finish the cooking and lay the table. They worked so well together, seamlessly switching between tasks, both confident that the other would do what needed to get done in order for them to sit down to dinner on time. During the meal, Will enjoyed joining in on their banter as they talked about their respective days and plans for the upcoming weekend. He left their apartment later that evening, content in the knowledge that Jay would soon be married and that his future home would be so different from their childhood home, it would be safe and happy.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Some baby development in this chapter. Hope you guys like it, let me know what you think :)**

The morning of the ultrasound Jay was already at the hospital for his PT appointment and because he had got a cab there, Erin was alone at the apartment waiting until she had to go in. She had tidied the living space, done a few loads of washing and was finally putting away their clean clothes. That was when she found it. She opened Jay's sock draw to put in a few more balled up pairs, when she saw the little black box hiding near the back. She dropped the basket of remaining clean clothes by her feet and stood still, unsure whether or not she wanted to see what was inside. Slowly she reached her hand inside the drawer and pulled the box out. Erin held it in her hands, feeling the size and weight of it. Wondering if it really was what she thought it was. A ring. Then she opened the box, shocked to see the sparkling piece of jewelry in front of her. Jay had picked well, it was elegant and slim, not too big but not small either. The perfect ring for Erin, the exact ring she would have chosen for herself. She wondered when Jay had time to get it. Although he was on his own for most of the week when she was at work, he still didn't like to go out alone because he was nervous about his walking. Erin put the ring back where she found it and covered it with the freshly washed socks. She knew she would wait for Jay to propose. One of the things she loved about him was how traditional he was, and she knew him well enough to know that he would want to propose to her. Despite how macho he was in front of their friends, Jay was a romantic at heart. He liked to do things for Erin to show her how much he loved her, and Erin didn't want to take the opportunity to propose from him by confronting him about the ring. So, she would sit tight and wait for him to ask the life changing question. Erin thought about the last couple of weeks, and how stressful they've been but also how rewarding they've been seeing Jay get stronger and talking about the future with him. He'd been so excited about the baby that it had started to rub off on Erin. She knew that someday he would ask, she just never realised someday would come so soon.

XXX

At the hospital, Erin met Jay in the ObGyn clinic's waiting area. He was sat in a chair in the corner, flipping mindlessly through a magazine targeted at pregnant women. The noise Erin made by walking in, attracted Jay's attention because suddenly a smile spread across his face. When she sat down next to him, she placed a quick kiss on his cheek and then asked, "How was PT?" He turned towards her and gave her a weak smile, demonstrating how tired he felt after the strain of physical therapy. Jay responded with, "It was ok, hard, but ok, how are you feeling today?" Erin returned his weak smile then said, "I'm ok, I felt a little nauseous earlier, but a warm cup of tea managed to do the trick. I've kind of just been nervous about the ultrasound, not nervous, well kind of nervous…nervously excited… if that's a thing." Erin was babbling so fast and so uncontrollably, that Jay got a picture of how nervous she had been earlier in the morning. He chuckled and then said, "I get it, nervously excited is definitely a thing." Not long after Erin sat down next to Jay, a woman, who they later found out was a nurse, walked into the waiting area and called out her name. The couple followed the nurse through the hallways until they reached a room filled with medical equipment, a bed for her to lie on and a few chairs, before she left the two of them alone in the room, she told them that the doctor would be with them soon. Minutes later Dr Stedman walked in. She looked exactly as every ObGyn should look, bubbly and excited, bursting with happiness. The doctor smiled at the couple and then said, "Hello, I'm Dr Stedman and I'll be doing your ultrasound if that's ok." Both Erin and Jay nodded in response, so the doctor continued, "Ok Erin, you just get comfortable on the bed and expose your tummy, then we can get started." Erin did as the doctor had asked and then reached out for Jay's hand, which he readily accepted. Dr Stedman squeezed some gel onto Erin's belly and then used the ultrasound probe to spread it around. The doctor was moving the probe around, intensely scrutinizing the screen and occasionally stopping to capture the screen at different points. It was Jay who first broke the silence, too nervous to wait any longer to find anything out he asked, "Is everything ok?" Dr Stedman smiled at the couple and said, "everything looks great, both heartbeats are strong…actually if you'd like I can turn the sound up so you can hear it." To which both Erin and Jay nodded, so she slowly twisted a dial on the ultrasound machine and then a soft thump-thump filled room. Erin's eyes immediately filled with tears, while the widest and happiest grin spread across Jay's face. After listening to the heartbeat and imprinting the moment into his memory, Jay said, "you mentioned that Erin's heartbeat was good, but she's been quite sick and I know it's normal, but I was wondering if there's anything we should be looking out for if it gets worse?" He was a worrier anyway, but with Erin pregnant his protective nature had been kicked into overdrive. Dr Stedman responded, "Oh, if I was including Erin's heartbeat then all three of them are strong." Twins. They were having twins. It wasn't even in the realm of thought for either of them. They didn't even consider it as a possibility. Erin started laughing, "twins," she said, then she turned to look at Jay and repeated twins, as if saying it over and over would make her believe it. Once the moment of surprise had passed, the doctor then continued, "In terms of the sickness, that should hopefully pass as Erin enters her second trimester but don't worry if it doesn't. Unfortunately, some women experience it for the whole pregnancy. The things we worry about are the baby not getting enough food if Erin can't keep anything down and also dehydration. So if Erin starts showing signs of dehydration and she isn't able to stomach any water, you have to bring her in to us immediately because it can be really harmful for the babies. A couple of things to look out for are dark yellow urine, not urinating and dizziness. I can give a leaflet with some more information if you'd like. Some things to do to combat dehydration are avoiding coffee and avoiding strenuous exercise, as they both can lead to dehydration. I know it's a lot to take in but I'll give you all this information to take home so you can take it and look over it when you get home. I understand that this is quite overwhelming, so I can give you a number to call if you have any questions later. Having multiples puts you at a higher risk. I want to keep a close eye on you throughout the pregnancy, so when you pass reception as you leave make sure to book an appointment for a month's time and depending on how that goes, we might evaluate and consider more frequent appointments." Erin and Jay walked out the hospital hand in hand, absolutely radiating euphoria. They were both floating on cloud nine with the knowledge that they were going to have not only one but two healthy babies. When they were both in the car on the way home, it was Jay again who broke the silence when he said, "well I think we're going to get a new place." To which the both laughed. Then he continued, "I mean if we thought one baby was going to come with a lot of junk, I can only imagine what two babies come with." Erin nodded and then said, "Well maybe when we get home we should start looking for a new place."

XXX

They were lying in bed, Jay was looking at the newspaper and circling houses he thought might be well suited to their growing family, while Erin was scrolling through the internet seeing what real estate agents had available online. "What about this one," Erin said. Jay put down the paper and then leaned a little towards her. Erin then started describing the house as she clicked through the pictures, "It has four bedrooms, three and a half bathrooms, a kitchen that has just been redone, a playroom, a porch with a swing, a beautiful garden and even a loft which we can turn into an office." Jay analysed the pictures and then said, "It looks nice, maybe we can add it to the list of ones we're going to look at… how much is it?" Erin made a noise then said, "Well it's a little out of our price range, but not by too much. I think if we really budget, we can do it." Jay looked a little unsure and then he said, "I'm not sure if this is the time to be stretched for money Erin. I mean twins need a lot of stuff. Over the next eighteen years we're going to be spending money like it's going out of fashion." That made Erin laugh, then she moved to hold Jay's hand and said, "Can we look at it anyway. I can really see us living there. Two kids running around. Maybe a couple of dogs as well. I think this could be it…our new home."

XXX

Erin had been tossing and turning throughout the night, so when she had woken Jay for the third time, he finally said something, "Erin, are you ok?" She turned to face him, huffed and then said, "I'm fine, just a bit wired from all the news today, you know." Jay nodded, even though he wasn't sure she could fully make him out. A silence settled between them, and then Erin asked, "Can I ask you a question Jay? I mean you don't have to answer if you don't want to…and I get if you don't, but I was wondering why you haven't wanted to be …intimate. Now I don't want you to feel pressured…at all, but other than kiss, we haven't really …done anything. I was just wondering if it's because you don't want to, or if it's because you think I don't want to which isn't the case by the way…" Erin would have kept talking if Jay hadn't interrupted her when he said, "Erin…it's not that I don't want to, I love you. And I love being with you like that. But I'm not the same as I was. My muscles are weak, I don't have the power or the presence that I used to and some of my movements are restricted. I just don't want it to be bad and I guess it's been stopping me from…trying. And I appreciate how patient you've been with me, but I just don't think I'm ready for it yet. I'm really sorry Erin, I know how important it is for us as couple and when I've had more physical therapy and I get stronger and more confident, but right now I'm not sure I can." By the end, Jay was talking so quietly that he was almost whispering. Erin reached for his hand and gripped tightly, "hey, you have nothing to apologise for, when you're ready you're ready and until then, we'll only do what you're comfortable with. Can I ask you something else?" She said. Jay nodded and although Erin couldn't see him, she could feel his movements. "Can I feel the scar from your surgery?" Instead of answering, Jay just lifted Erin's hand to his head, a softly moved it across the bumpy scarred flesh on his scalp. Erin sucked in a large breath. She'd never felt it before and now that Jay's hair was growing back, she couldn't really see it either and unless Jay was moving around, Erin would sometimes forget that anything had happened because for all things that had changed about him, he was still the same man. Erin pulled his hand down to her mouth and kissed it and then she whispered, "I'm so glad you didn't die." And just as she drifted off to sleep, she heard him whisper, "me too."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: A little flashback of Erin and Camille in this one. Hope you like it, let me know what you think :)**

A few days later while Erin was out with Kim, Jay got a cab to Hank's house with his mum's ring burning a hole in his pocket. He slowly walked up the path to the house and then knocked three times on the door. Jay heard footsteps and then Hank barked, "Who is it?" But before Jay could answer, the door swung open and Hank rasped, "Oh, it's you… what do you need?" Jay felt a little flustered, almost under pressure to immediately ask Hank what he'd gone over to ask. But instead he asked if he could come in. Once Jay had entered the house, it hit him how much this house once used to be Erin's home. As Jay looked around, he saw pictures of Hank's family hanging on the walls, many of which included Erin. Although Hank only came into her life when she was 12 and his family only became her family when she was 14, they had such an effect on shaping her into the woman she became. Hank offered Jay a seat and then sat down opposite him. Jay said, "Boss, I.." at the same time as Hank said, "What are you…" Then they both stopped speaking, assuming the other man would continue. An uncomfortable silence settled between them. Hank stared ahead at Jay, just waiting for him to speak. Jay paused for a few moments, trying to remember his rehearsed speech and then he said, "Boss, I have a question for you, but I want you to think about it before you give me an answer." Hank just nodded in response, so Jay continued, "I know that Erin and I haven't been together that long, and in the beginning, you weren't too thrilled about the idea of us being a couple. But I have cared about her and I have loved her since we first met. I know that you're old fashioned about this sort of thing, but I also know Erin and she once told me that if someone had to ask her dad's permission to ask her out, then they shouldn't bother. I'm a bit like you though and I think talking to you first is the right decision, so here it goes. Hank…sir, I would like your blessing to ask Erin to marry me." Once Jay finished speaking, he looked into Hank's eyes and saw pure surprise in them. Hank then asked, "Is this something Erin wants?" Lifting an eyebrow as if to question how well Jay knows Erin. Jay responded, "Uh…well, I've not told her directly that I'm going to propose but recently we've been talking a lot about the future, about what it's going to look like and marriage had been in all those conversations…so, um, your blessing...I would really appreciate it and I know Erin would too. I want you to know that you saying no won't stop me, but you saying yes would mean a lot to Erin and myself. She values your opinion so much and so do I, and we both want you to be involved in our lives, I mean if you want to be…" Jay would have kept talking if Hank hadn't interrupted him by saying, "Yes." Jay's eyes went wide, he couldn't believe what he'd just heard. So he picked up his cane from where it was resting against the sofa and then used to stand up. Then he said, "Well thank you, boss…um, so I think Erin was planning on coming over for Sunday breakfast, so…um …I'll see you then." Jay turned and moved towards the door, but as he pulled it open Hank called out, "Jay," so Jay stopped and turned back towards his boss. Once Hank reached Jay, he stuck out his hand to shake his soon-to-be son-in-law's hand, then he said, "Welcome to the family."

XXX

Hank was sat in his favourite armchair, thinking about what Jay had just asked him and it really cemented how much Erin had changed in a positive way since she and Hank had first met. All he could think about was Erin's attitude towards the future when she had first moved in with the family. It was something that Hank and his wife would talk about quite a lot because some of the things Erin would say about herself would upset them both.

1999

_Erin and Camille were both sitting at the dining room table. Erin was sipping on a large cup of coffee, while Camille was flipping through a recipe book trying to pick out a dessert to make that afternoon. Erin looked over at Camille and then said, "What are you planning on making?" Camille was rather surprised because Erin was normally quite quiet, then she replied, "oh I'm not sure yet, would you like to help me? Might I be able to entice you if I let you choose what we make?" Erin pulled a face, shook her head and then said, "um I don't think so, I mean it's not really me, baking, kids, homemaking. That's not really what I imagine for my future." Erin tried to laugh it off, but Camille was intrigued by Erin's statement, it was the most she had revealed in her few months of living with them. So she just tried to keep her talking by saying, "What do you mean, that's not you?" in the least judgmental tone possible. Erin replied, "It's just, look at what I come from. I really appreciate what you and detective Voight have done for me over the past couple of months. I mean you've both finally given me home where I feel safe and I can rely on there being food in the kitchen and water coming from the tap and if I need it, I know I can come to either of you with anything. But I'm 14 and this is just happening for me. I don't know how to raise kids because when I was one, I was left alone. My dad was gone, and Bunny was Bunny. I don't know how to bake. I mean I barely know how to cook. And with my record, it's unlikely I'll ever get a good job that pays anything other than the minimum wage. At this moment I can't imagine loving a boy enough to want to move in with him let alone spend the rest of my life with him. Look at all the baggage I have and I'm only 14, and I think it's unlikely that I'll overcome all these messy feelings I have enough to get married and start popping out a bunch of babies." Camille was saddened to hear what Erin thought of herself, to have such low self-confidence and such low hopes for her future. So she did the only thing she could think of in that moment, and that was to get up from her chair, walk over to Erin and wrap her arms around her. "You can do whatever you want with your future and you can be whoever you want to be. I want you to know that there is nothing holding you back and no one judging you for your decisions. You can do what you want, and no one can tell you it's wrong whether that's being a housewife with millions of babies or it's being a police officer or a world travelling singer. As long as you are healthy and happy, Hank and I will support you in whatever you do," Camille said and then she squeezed Erin a little tighter before letting her go. _

_Only a few weeks later, Erin had knocked on Hanks office door with a form in her hand. She had recently started St Ignatius and was struggling a little to settle in. Hank wondered why she looked so nervous standing in the doorway. Hank started the conversation hoping to put her at ease, "Hi Erin, is there something you want to talk about?" Erin nodded and then cleared her throat a little before she said, "There's this thing that the school are making us do, it's called take-your-daughter-to-work-day and I was wondering if maybe I could come with you? I mean I know my record means that I can't be a cop but I'd really like to see what the system is like from your side if you're ok with it…" Hank gave her a comforting smile, nodding along as she was speaking. Then when she was finished, he said, "I think it's a good idea, you know Erin you've got a lot of qualities that I'd look for in a good partner. You're tough, smart, quick on your feet and you have a great power to stay calm even when everything else around you is chaotic. And if being a cop is something you're really interested in then I'll see if I can pull some strings and get you into the academy once you've completed all the necessary requirements." Erin gave him a shy smile, tucked some stray hairs behind her ear and then she said, "Thanks Hank, I appreciate it. I..uh..I'm going to go help and Camille with dinner." Then Erin quickly turned on her heel and walked out of Hanks eyeline. Hank was happy that Erin was thinking about the future. He knew she was a smart cookie and could succeed in anything she wanted to. It's just that she had spent her first 14 years being told that she'd never amount to anything and after a while she had started to believe it. Maybe after riding with Hank she could see a career for herself in law enforcement. _

When Hank thought about where Erin started and now where she was in her life, he was filled with pride. That she was so happy in herself and had opened her heart to someone else. Hank had always told her that even though the job was fulfilling, having someone to go home to at the end of the day made it so much better. Having someone to spend your life with meant that you could share the successes with them but also lean on them for support when you needed it. And it was something Hank valued with Camille at home, having that support and stability. And he was so glad that Erin had found that for herself in Jay.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Some pure Linstead here. Hope you guys enjoy it, let me know what you think :)**

Jay was in a foul mood when he came back from PT. Normally when he came into the apartment, he sought Erin out because he wanted conversation and comfort. But that day when Jay came in, he walked into the bedroom, threw his bag and cane on the floor and went into the bathroom. This was out of character for Jay, who was constantly picking up after Erin. Jay was frustrated at himself, angry at his lack of progress and upset at the thought of his future. He loved Erin and he was thrilled at the idea of babies, but the further away he got from his brain surgery the more he realised that he might be stuck like this forever. Jay always thought he'd be the kind of dad who played with his kids and carried them on his shoulders, but Jay could just about manage to carry the weight of a baby. Right now he wouldn't be able to hold anything else because he still needed his cane. And they were only the problems he was facing at home, there were more outside, especially with his job. Jay loved his job. He loved getting justice for victims, but he also loved the adrenaline rush of chasing a suspect, the physical aspects of his job helped to release energy so that outside of work he could be calm and untriggered, and that was something he didn't want to lose. But after his last session of PT he couldn't imagine ever being able to apprehend a suspect confidently ever again. Jay sat on the bench that Erin had got installed in the shower because his legs were too tired and weak to stand after PT. After Jay was finished washing himself, he just sat under the water, finally letting the tears flow.

XXX

When Jay emerged from the bedroom over an hour later, Erin was still sitting on the sofa reading, just like she had been when he first walked into the apartment. Throughout the time that Jay was locked in the bathroom, Erin got up from the sofa so many times to go and check on him. But each time she entered the bedroom she started questioning herself and then turned around to go back to her reading. When Erin looked up to see Jay, she could see how red and puffy his eyes were. Erin patted the sofa next to her and waited for Jay to come over to her and sit down. It was a slower process than normal because he wasn't using his cane so he had pronounced limp and could only take small steps because he had nothing to keep him stable. After he had sat down, Erin pulled him into her for a long hug. When she had let go and he had sat up straight, she pulled her legs up to the sofa, sat cross-legged and turned towards him. "What's going on with you Jay? We've had a couple of really good weeks, you seemed happier especially with the news of the babies. But now you seem angry and sad and I just want you to talk to me about it…so what's going on?" Erin said, hoping he wouldn't take her question in the wrong way and that he would just talk to her. Jay used the palm of his hands to wipe his eyes which were still damp with tears, he nodded and then said, "I had this moment today where I felt like I had lost all hope for getting better and then I started thinking about what I can no longer do and what I'm going to miss out on and…" He started to get emotional again and Erin just held his hand and waited until he had managed to compose himself. "It was just when the PT told me that I was doing well, I laughed because I haven't made any progress with my walking in ages. My upper body strength is almost back to normal but it's as if the connection between my brain and my legs is faulty. My legs are weak and my walking requires concentration. I feel so useless because until you, the one thing I've always had is my work. And I can't do that anymore so I get angry and upset at myself because I can't be the man I used to be. So, I try and think about something else. I stop thinking about the past, and I start to think about the future. And I'm so happy about the babies and I love reading up about what to expect when they get here. But then I start thinking about what kind of dad I want to be and how me being like I am now means that I can't be that dad. I mean right now I couldn't walk about and hold both babies. I wouldn't trust myself to stay upright and I can't imagine you'd trust me to stay upright holding them either…" Jay said, speaking faster and faster and not really breathing so when he finally stopped, he took in a large, unsteady breath. Erin waited for him to continue but he didn't, he just sat next to her getting teary eyed again. So Erin said, "Jay, you are the same guy that you were a couple of months ago, whether you can run a mile or not. You are still kind, and loyal, and honest, and goofy, and you'd never do anything to hurt me or the babies. You are still that guy, the same man I fell in love in. So don't be upset about the future. So what, you won't be able to carry both babies and walk at the same time, if we need you to be holding both babies we'll either make sure your sitting down or they'll be in some form of contraption that only needs one hand. We can figure it out and adapt and you can still be the kind of dad you want to be." As she spoke, Jay nodded his head a little. He was listening to what she was saying and was hearing how she would help him be the kind of man he wants to be. Her hope for the future made him happy and he wondered if he would ever feel that hopeful again. But Jay didn't say anything, so Erin kept talking, "And in terms of work, maybe we can talk to Hank, see if you can come back for some sort of modified duty. You'll be able to do everything I can do while pregnant. Only If that's something you want though. Right now, the world is in the palm of your hands, if there's something you want to try and it's possible, you can do it. But if you want to go back to police work, I'm sure Hank will be able to sort it out." Jay was so glad that he'd accepted Erin's opening to talk because she'd seen everything in a different way to him. He had assumed that if he couldn't be the same cop he was, he couldn't be one at all. He never even considered desk duty. Jay nodded and then said, "You know, I hadn't even thought about the other options, but I do think going back to the precinct would be good for me. Other than PT and sometimes food shopping with you, I don't really leave this apartment. We've haven't been to Molly's and we haven't gone out to eat. I feel a little imprisoned in here. So yeah, going to the precinct would be good." That night, both Erin and Jay sat on the phone to Hank, discussing the options for Jay's return to work. They decided that he could start desk duty the following Monday, which would give him four days to prepare. Hank told Jay explicitly that he was not going to be doing any physical work. And if he was tempted and got into trouble then he would be sent back home immediately. The couple got into bed that night feeling different emotions. Erin was happy that Jay had talked to her about his feelings and hadn't shut down on her like he used to, but she was nervous about his return to work. Erin worried about Jay's feelings when the team went out on a bust or to bring in a suspect and he couldn't join them because of his physical condition. Although sometimes he got a bit sad about his current state, Jay's emotions in general were quite upbeat and if he was to return to work, Erin feared that might change. But Jay was ecstatic at the prospect of going back to work, of feeling useful again. He was radiating joy and he wanted to spread the feeling. That was when he decided that on the following Monday night he was going to propose.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Sorry the update is a little late, uni has been ridiculously busy. Hoping to get the next few chapters out in the next few days. Hope you guys enjoy it, let me know what you think :)**

It was Jay's first day back at work and he was as excited as a kid on Christmas morning. He had got out of bed an hour earlier than necessary so that he could make breakfast for himself and Erin. He savoured the moment as he completed two actions he thought he'd never get to do again, hang his badge around his neck and holster his gun against his hip. Jay was standing by the door with his jacket on and Erin's keys in his hand, ready to go to work when Erin strolled into the kitchen, her coat folded over her arm, in no hurry to get to work because it was never something she took for granted. When Erin looked up, she saw Jay fidgeting and as she walked towards him, she immediately felt the nervous energy radiating off of him. "Ready to go?" She said, already knowing the answer so not really paying attention to his response. And even though her eyes weren't on him, Jay still nodded and then held out her keys so they could finally leave for work and Jay could try and get back into the routine he so desperately craved.

XXX

The whole unit knew that Jay and Erin were together. Everyone knew it even before the couple themselves announced it. Between longing glances and small but frequent touches, every member of the unit had individually become aware of the private relationship. So when on Jay's first day, the two walked up the stairs to the bullpen together, no one was surprised. Everyone called out, "Jay!" Excited to see him back to work and somewhat back to normal. The whole unit got up from the desks and moved over to greet the returning detective. After a series of handshakes and hugs, Jay was finally met with his boss's hand thrust in front of him to shake. "Welcome back Jay, we're all happy to see you healthy and ready to work," Hank rasped, then he looked around the room at his unit, lingering and not doing work. So he then said, "Now back to work, the lot of you."

XXX

When the intelligence unit got the call about a crime scene, the decision was made that because the house had been cleared, Erin could come with to search for evidence, despite her insisting she's not focused enough to be out in the field. Because it was Jay's first day, he was not allowed to leave the precinct, so Erin drove over to the scene with Hank. "You know kid, it's been awhile since we've partnered up like this. I like having you in my car," he said, glancing over in his daughter's direction with a half-smile. "I like spending time with you too Hank," Erin responded and then she patted his hand before unbuckling her seatbelt to get out the car and enter the building. The house had already been cleared by patrol, so when the intelligence unit made their way through the rooms, no guns were drawn. The house looked as if it had been ransacked, but as they were trying to search for evidence, gloves were donned as they meticulously swept through each room. There was a body in the kitchen, which was being assessed by CSI, who were taking pictures and swabs. As Hank and Erin approached body, Antonio turned to face them and then updated them on the situation. He said, "The deceased was a male in his mid to late twenties, two GSW's. The shot to the stomach looks longer distance but the shot to the head looks close range. The wounds look similar in size, but the experts are going to use an algorithm back in the lab to compare the beveling of the skin and bone to see if the two shots came from the same gun. So at the moment we're not sure if it's two perps or one, but there's a load of evidence here to collect so I reckon we'll be here for a while." Erin and Hank both left Antonio and the CSI team to their work, and the two proceeded through the house. Atwater and Ruzek were out canvassing the neighbourhood, and Al and Jay were back at the precinct, and Antonio was downstairs with the body. As Erin and Hank made their way through the different rooms, they only anticipated collecting evidence. But as they walked into a bedroom upstairs, they found another victim. A woman, similar in age to the other victim with only one shot to the abdomen but it looked like the shooter didn't wait to see if she died because there was large smear of blood on the floor which suggested that she had crawled towards the door after she had been shot. Hank called out to Antonio downstairs, "Dawson! We've got a body up here." They waited a second and then they heard Antonio call out a response, "Ok, I'll send some people up, we're almost done with this one downstairs." When the first CSI team member arrived upstairs, Hank and Erin moved out of the room to let them work and they continued to search the upstairs. They found another bedroom, this time with no body, but it was decorated for a kid. The walls were pale yellow will different animals painted on them. There was a bed and not a crib, so they knew the child was older than a toddler. The cupboards looked well stocked with clothes and the shelves were filled with books and toys and pictures of the family. This child looked well looked after, but where was he?

XXX

They searched the rest of the house, taking a particular interest in all the small places that a child could hide but there was still no sign of him. So the team all reconvened at the precinct to see if Jay, Mouse and Al had found out any information about who the perps were and where the kid could be. They'd got a hit from facial recognition and had found out that the couple were Dean and Rebecca Castle and they had four-year-old son Tommy. As pictures were being stuck to the notice board, Hank said, "Ok so we know who they are, and we've come to the conclusion that this was a robbery gone wrong. But why take the kid? Was he an unexpected witness? Were the doers not heartless enough to kill a child? And we still don't know why these very normal people were worth robbing and killing!" Al then peered out from his hiding spot and said. "I was checking his bank account and he just bought a flashy new car. Maybe someone saw him and then followed him back to the house." Everyone nodded along, seeming to accept Al's explanation, especially because the new car was nowhere to be seen when the team was at the crime scene. Atwater then said, "So the kid…." and left his statement open ended for someone else to fill in. It was Jay who finished his colleague's sentence and suggested, "He saw the crime and they didn't want any witnesses." The was a pregnant pause before Hank rasped, "Then we're on the clock. The more time they have this kid, the more likely they are to kill him. So let's go through street cameras, let's get back into the neighbourhood to canvas and let's get on the phone to the lab to see if there's any usable prints or hairs." Everyone seemed to process the information, but no one moved, so Hank then barked, "Now!"

XXX

Despite taking the kid because they didn't want him to talk, the perps were sloppy enough to leave their prints all over the house. There were the prints of two different perps – Frank May and Laurence Kantar. The two had long histories of breaking and entering and small robberies. Neither of them had ever been violent, so the intelligence team hoped that meant that the pair wouldn't kill Tommy, but they couldn't be sure, so they were moving as fast as possible to try and get a location. They decided it was best to go undercover in the bar they frequent and then follow them back to wherever they were going. By the time Adam and Al were fitted with earpieces and dressed appropriately for a scummy bar, it was already 8:00pm. While Jay and Mouse stayed back at the precinct, the other members of intelligence were stationed in cars outside the bar. Hank and Kevin were in a SUV across the road from the front door and Erin and Antonio were also in a SUV but were parked around the side. Erin and Antonio were listening to Adam and Al but were also catching up because the suspects weren't yet at the bar. They'd talked about Antonio's kids and wife and as they started to talk about Jay and his recovery Erin suddenly became very pale and clammy. Antonio furrowed his eyebrows and asked, "Are you ok Erin? You look a bite pale." But before Antonio had finished his sentence Erin had opened the car door, leaned out and vomited. After a few minutes, once she felt like her stomach had settled and the fresh air had calmed her, Erin sat back in her seat and shut the door. Antonio silently passed her a bottle of water and a packet of mints to clear the taste out of her mouth. Erin said, "Thanks Tony. I feel fine, maybe I ate something off at lunch." The lie felt bad as soon as it had she had said it. Erin barely let her lie sit for a minute before she corrected herself and said, "That was a lie. I didn't eat something off. I was sick because I'm pregnant. And morning sickness is false because it's definitely all-day sickness. And we haven't told Hank yet, so Jay and I would appreciate if you'd keep it on the down low." Antonio's eyes went wide at Erin's admission and then before she could react, he had pulled her into a hug. "That's great Erin, I'm so happy for both of you, you'll be great parents!" A few minutes later there was chatter over the microphones, so their conversation was pushed to the back of their minds.

XXX

Adam and Al easily befriended the two suspects and even convinced them to take them back to their place so they could continue the party. Once they were inside, Adam and Al managed to get them under control before calling out for the rest of intelligence to come inside to search for the boy. Hank and Kevin went upstairs, while Erin and Antonio searched the downstairs. There was a door in the kitchen that took the pair down into a basement. As soon as the door was opened, they could hear crying and sniffling, so they knew they had found Tommy. Antonio said into the radio that they'd found the boy and were going to coax him out of his hiding place. Erin softly said, "Tommy, we're the police, we're not here to hurt you. We want to take you home." As they came down the stairs, they couldn't see him anywhere and the more noise the detectives made, the louder Tommy's crying became. As they progressed further into the room, they realised the only place he could be was under the bed. So Erin sat on her knees and peered under the bed. The sight she saw was Tommy, curled up in a ball, tightly hugging his knees, pushed up against the wall as far away from Erin as he could be. Erin reached a hand under the bed and said, "Hi Tommy, my name is Erin and I'm here with my friend Antonio and we're just going to sit here until you're ready to come out." Erin then swiveled her legs around and sat with her back against the bed and Antonio sat down next to her. They heard some shuffling, but the boy didn't crawl out, so Erin turned to Antonio and said, "Tony, maybe once we get back to the precinct, we can get some ice cream, what do you think?" Antonio smiled at her and said, "You know, I think that can be arranged. What do you think Tommy, fancy some ice cream?" As Antonio finished asking his question, the detectives heard movement, so they stood up and helped Tommy get out from under the bed. Although his crying had stopped, his eyes were red and puffy, and he was using his left hand to hold his right forearm which looked bruised and swollen. Erin gave him a small wave and Tommy waved back at her. Erin then crouched down to his height and said," Hi Tommy, we're going to take you somewhere safe now, but first I think we should take you to the doctors because that arm looks a little sore …yeah?" Tommy just nodded, so Erin then said, "Want to walk up the stairs or want to be carried?" The little boy thought about it for a second before he lifted his arms up to Erin gesturing that he wanted to be carried. Antonio moved to lift him up, but Erin was much closer, and she thought Tommy would be more comfortable with a female, so she lifted him into her arms and began to climb the stairs out of the basement.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Am super busy this weekend, so hoping to get the next chapter up by Sunday night. Hope you guys enjoy, let me know what you think :)**

When the team returned to precinct, some of the unit were tasked with sorting out the suspects, while others were tasked with sorting out the little boy. Tommy had settled with Erin, so she was still carrying him when they walked into the bullpen. Erin caught Jay's eyes and nodded her head towards the break room, an indication for him to join them. Once Erin had sat Tommy down on the sofa, she walked towards the fridge and freezer. She then took out two different pots of ice cream and said, "Chocolate or Vanilla?" Tommy immediately responded, "Chocolate!" As Erin started to get out the bowls and spoons, she heard Tommy whisper, so she turned around and asked him to repeat himself. So he said, "Can I have two scoops?" A little louder than before and this time he held up two little fingers as well. That was the moment Jay walked in and said, "Great choice little man, this chocolate ice cream is the best!" Tommy's eyes went wide with fear at Jay's presence and he scrambled off the sofa and ran towards Erin, hitting her with a little bump. Had he not been clinging to her legs so tightly he would have fallen on the floor. Erin crouched down, put an arm around the trembling child and said, "Tommy, I want you to meet my friend Jay. He's really nice and I promise he won't hurt you. Plus, if you ask nicely, I bet he'll show where the sprinkles are." Tommy glanced towards Erin, then towards Jay, then back to Erin. Slowly his grip on her eased and he moved back onto the sofa. Erin tried to let Jay take the lead in interacting with the little boy hoping that it would make him more comfortable in Jay's presence. Jay took over two bowls of ice cream and put them on the table, and then he brought over a couple bottles of sprinkles. Jay turned to Tommy and said, "Want to pick out your sprinkles?" Tommy gave a slow nod and then shuffled off the sofa, walked over to the table and pulled himself up onto a chair. This was the exact reason the intelligence kept tubs of ice cream in the break room. To try and get kids more comfortable, maybe even enough to open up and talk to the detectives. And even though they didn't need Tommy's help to find the suspects, they did want to know more about his family, especially if there was anyone he'd feel comfortable going to live with. Tommy had one living grandparent, but when Jay had tried to get in contact earlier in the day, he found out that Mrs Castle was living in a nursing home and wasn't capable of looking after her young grandson. Tommy had a couple of Aunts and Uncles, so Jay and Erin wanted to make sure they contacted the one that Tommy knew the best. They talked to him a little about his family, asking if he had any cousins and which of his parent's sibling he liked and knew the best. It was his Aunt Mandy who he said he'd like to go and live with, she lived over in Springfield but was currently on holiday in Europe. So the team worked on getting in contact with her, but had to decide what would happen to Tommy in the meantime.

XXX

When Erin walked into Hank's office about an hour later, it was past midnight and Tommy was fast asleep on the sofa in the break room. "Hank, where is Tommy going tonight? Jay said that his Aunt won't be here for a few days and I know he can't stay like this in the precinct," Erin said. Hank knew what was coming, he could see it on her face as soon as she walked out of the house carrying the little boy. So he just waited for her to continue. Erin started fidgeting, uncomfortable that Hank hadn't responded, so she said, "I know it's unconventional, but I think he should come home with me and Jay. He's been through so much the last few days and I think we can handle it….so what do you think?" Hank just nodded and Erin gave him a wide smile in return. Then she moved to make her way out of the office. Once she reached to open the door Hank called out, "Erin," so she stopped and waited for him to approach her. When Hank had got to her, he put his hands on her shoulders and said, "Just don't get too attached ok, his Aunt will be here in a few days. Don't worry about coming into work tomorrow. Take the day and come back on Wednesday, his Aunt should be here by then. Night kid." Erin wrapped her arms around him and said, "Night Hank, and thank you."

XXX

Jay brought up Tommy's things while Erin carried the little boy into their apartment. They both decided that waking him up when they got inside was best, just so that he knew where he was and didn't wake up in the middle of the night confused and disorientated. Jay put the bags in the guest bedroom and then came back into the living room. He sat down on the coffee table, opposite Erin and Tommy who were on the sofa, Tommy still half asleep. Erin lightly shook the little boy's shoulders and said, "Hey buddy, can you wake up for us?" Tommy opened his eyes and squinted, taking in his unfamiliar surroundings. Erin helped him up, so he was sitting properly and resting on the back of the sofa. Erin said, "You remember Jay right," and Tommy nodded, so she continued, "Well this is where we live, and if it's ok with you, we thought you could stay here until your aunt can pick you up." Tommy nodded again, so Erin stood up and Jay and Tommy followed her as she moved through the apartment. Erin then said, "So you'll be sleeping here, and the bathroom is just through that door." Tommy just looked up at her with big eyes, sad and watery, like he had no idea what to do now that his parents weren't there to help him. Jay then went into the bag he had earlier left in the room and pulled out a stuffed bunny and said, "While we were eating ice cream, we had our friends go to your house and pick up some of your stuff. And look what they found…" It was the happiest they had seen Tommy all night. He waited for Jay to hand over his toy and then squeezed it in his arms. Jay then continued, "We've got some clothes, PJ's and even your toothbrush. So how about we go into the bathroom and get you ready for bed." Tommy just nodded and held out his hand to Jay, waiting for the older man to lead him into the bathroom for his night-time routine.

XXX

Later on as they were lying in bed, Jay had a hand on Erin stomach, just trying to feel for the babies. They had stayed quite for some time but out of nowhere Jay said, "Can you feel them moving yet?" Erin shook her head and said, "No, not yet, I think in the next couple of weeks maybe." A silence settled then Erin said, "I told Antonio today…I mean I was basically sick in his car, and I couldn't lie to him, so I told him. And look at me, I'm not going to be able to hide the bump for much longer. So when we go back to work, I think we should tell Hank." She spoke so fast, that she didn't take a breath once. Jay agreed with her and said, "You know, I think telling Hank is a good idea. I'd rather he hears it from us than figures it out for himself." As they were talking, they heard a noise from outside the room, a soft knocking at their door. Erin called out, "Come in," and then the door was slowly pushed open. In the dark, the couple could just about make out Tommy's outline. Erin and Jay both sat up in the bed and waited for Tommy to come over to them, but he didn't, he just stood where he was. It was Jay who got out of bed, walked over to the little boy and said, "You ok bud?" Tommy shook his head, and as Jay got closer, he could see his eyes were brimmed with tears. Jay reached out, put a hand on Tommy's shoulder, rubbed his arm and said, "Oh buddy, did you have a bad dream?" Tommy nodded in response. "How about, for just this once, you come and sleep in our bed. Would that be better?" Tommy nodded and lifted his arms up for Jay to carry him over to the bed. They settled into the bed, Tommy sandwiched in between Erin and Jay, then they pulled the covers up and all said goodnight to each other. Only a few minutes later, the couple heard Tommy's breathing even out. Then Erin whispered, "Jay… I think we'll be ok at this parenting thing." Over the top of Tommy's little body, Erin reached out for Jay until he held her hand. Then he whispered back, "Yeah me too."


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: We say Goodbye to Tommy in this chapter, I've left it open enough for him to come back in the future if it makes sense. Hope you guys like it, et me know what you think :)**

They spent the next day playing with Tommy. They wanted to remind him of his parents, so he didn't lose his memory of them, but also, they didn't want him to be too emotional and sad. It was difficult for Erin and Jay to talk about them because Tommy was so young, they first had to explain to him the concept of death and dying before they could tell him that he would never see his parents again. He had heard the gun firing and was scared of the loud noise but didn't equate it with danger and death. After they had struggled through those conversations, Tommy didn't leave their sides much for the remainder of the day and slept in their bed again on Tuesday night as he was afraid that Erin and Jay would also leave and never come back. When the three of them walked into intelligence on Wednesday, Tommy was clutching his bunny, feeling unsettled as he left the safe surroundings of Erin and Jay's apartment. Walking through the precinct was difficult, as everyone said hi to Erin and Jay, Erin felt Tommy's grip tighten on her hand, clearly indicating his discomfort with strangers. Even once they walked into the bullpen which was filled with people that Tommy was familiar with, Tommy's grip did not lessen. Jay was just going to be doing paperwork, so they brought up a second chair to Jay's desk, so that Tommy could sit and colour while Jay worked. They set the little boy up with lots of sheets of paper and with a pencil case full of crayons, but he only looked at them. Jay looked at Tommy, who was longingly looking at the stationary and said, "Hey bud, you ok?" To which the little boy nodded his head, but his lower lip protruded. So Jay double checked and said, "Are you sure?" At Jay's second question, Tommy looked up and locked eyes with detective and slowly shook his head. "What's going on Tommy?" Jay asked. Tommy then quietly said, "I heard you on the phone saying my auntie Mandy was coming today to pick me up. But if I go live with her, does that mean I'll never see you or Erin again?" Tommy's aunt was almost in Chicago. Her flight landed that morning and she said she would be at the precinct after lunchtime. Jay gave the little boy a sad smile, and said, "You know she only lives over in Springfield, which isn't that far away. So we can visit if you'd like, or we can write to you at your aunt's house and we can be pen pals. Plus, you have baby cousins now who will be fun to play with and I'm sure you'll make friends when you go to school." Tommy seemed to accept what Jay said and liked when he mentioned them writing to each other and soon the little boy was lost in his colouring. It was a picture of Tommy, Jay and Erin, all with big smiles and all holding hands.

XXX

Saying goodbye to Tommy was difficult, just as Jay and Erin had expected it to be. When Platt escorted Mandy up to the bullpen, Tommy immediately jumped off his chair and rushed towards her for a big hug. Mandy bent down to her nephew's level and engulfed him in her arms. Mandy picked Tommy up and rested him on her hip, then she moved over to where the intelligence unit were standing to greet her. Everyone shook the woman's hand and introduced themselves, then Jay and Erin led her into the break room so they could talk to her. The excitement of seeing his aunt again had drained Tommy, so he was resting in her lap with his eyes closed snuggled against her. Erin and Jay sat on one side of the table, while Mandy and Tommy sat on the other side. Mandy was the first one to speak when she said, "Before you say anything, I just wanted to say thank you so much for taking care of Tommy, the sergeant downstairs said you two looked after him rather than send him to DCFS, so really thank you both." Erin smiled at Mandy's comments and replied, "It's ok, we knew you were on your way, and he's a good kid, so we didn't really need to do much out of the ordinary." Jay then took over what Erin was saying and said, "We've got some tips if you'd like about what might be good for Tommy in the future. We talked to a child psychologist who thinks that Tommy should start talking to a therapist, they've suggested that you wait a week or so, until he's settled in, but they think it would be good to talk to a professional to help him deal with what he saw and how to cope with it. We just want to prepare you… he's been quite clingy since we found him. He doesn't like to be alone, and if he is alone, he likes to know that your close by. He gets really scared by loud or sudden noises, and if it happens, which sometimes is unavoidable, he shuts down." When it happened the day before, Tommy sat on the floor knees tucked to his chest and clasped his hands over his ears. He sat there unmoving for almost an hour, despite Erin and Jay's attempts to comfort and calm him. Jay continued, "Another thing is that he's well behaved, but you've got to watch out for destructive behavior, so anything out of the ordinary for a kid like excessive sleeping, having no energy, and not eating well are signs that he's not doing well. And if you start to notice it you've got to let someone know so it can be dealt with as soon as possible. The earlier these things are dealt with, the better the chance that he doesn't have any long-term effects." A silence settled and Mandy lovingly looked at her nephew, rubbing her thumb up and down his soft round cheeks. Erin noticed her worried expression and said, "I know this might sound overwhelming, but these are just potential situations, and we'd rather you be prepared and armed with information instead of surprised and not ready to deal with whatever may happen in the foreseeable future. We have loved having Tommy with us the last couple of days, so if you need anything, just let us know. We'll give you our information and how to best get in contact with us. And we were thinking that maybe we could write to him, we know he's a little young, but we thought it would be nice as he gets older but of course it's your choice and if you're uncomfortable with it we understand." Mandy stood up, carrying Tommy with her and waited for Erin and Jay to stand up before hugging them both. Then she said, "You two have done so much for Tommy, I am so grateful that he was looked after by two amazing and thoughtful people. I'm sure he'll love getting letters from you and maybe as he gets older, he can write back. We've got to get going, so thank you both again. Tommy we're going now, so do you want to say goodbye to Erin and Jay and say thank you to them." Tommy was already starting to wake up, so when his aunt spoke to him, he rubbed his eyes before he looked around at the adults he was with. Mandy put him down so he could stand up and then he slowly walked over to Erin and Jay, he hugged each of them when the crouched down and then he said, "Thank you Jay and Erin for letting me live with you and giving me chocolate ice cream. I'm going to miss you." Both Erin and Jay told him that he was no trouble and that they'd miss him too. Then Mandy picked him back him and picked up his bag with her other hand. As she started to walk down the steps of the bullpen Tommy looked over his aunt's shoulder and waved to the detective until they were no longer in his sight.

XXX

After Tommy had left, Erin and Jay walked towards Hank's office. Both of them were drained from the intense and emotional day, but they had agreed days ago that today was going to be the day that they told Hank- no matter what. They were lucky that he hadn't already figured it out. Erin normally wore slightly baggier clothes anyway, so her small bump was hidden well, but had she preferred tighter fitting clothes, Hank would have seen evidence of their news weeks ago. Erin knocked on Hank's office door and waited for him to say come in before she opened the door and entered, hand in hand with Jay. Hank pursed his lips and lifted his eyebrows in anticipation of Erin and Jays news. The only reason the two of them would come into his office together holding hands, is if they had personal information to tell him. Throughout their time in intelligence, the couple had acted very professional in his presence, so much so that he didn't even know they were back together until he saw their interaction when Erin was in hospital. Hank thought that they were going to tell him that they were engaged, so when Erin said, "Hank, there's something that Jay and I want to tell you," he wasn't prepared for what was said next.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter up. Nearly at the end of this fic. Hope you guys like it, let me know what you think :)**

When Jay and Erin walked into Hanks office, he indicated that they could sit opposite him. After Jay had come over a few weeks ago, Hank had assumed they were going to tell him that they were engaged. So, when Erin started bouncing her knee and pulling at her fingers, Hank wasn't surprised. She didn't know that he knew that Jay was going to propose. But when he noticed Jay also fidgeting, Hank started to question his own suspicions. Erin said, "Hank, there's something that Jay and I want to tell you." Then she paused to calm her nerves but couldn't seem to work up the courage to start speaking again. So Jay took over and continued, "We are coming to you, as Erin's dad and also our boss," hearing Jay talk helped Erin's confidence and before she could stop herself she blurted out, "We're pregnant!" Erin promptly covered her mouth with her hands, she even surprised herself at the way she let out her secret. Hank's jaw dropped. He had not at all expected Erin to say that. Jay turned to Erin, eyes wide, stunned into silence. While Hank was collecting his thoughts, Erin slid two photos across the desk, an ultrasound photo of each baby. Hank picked up both photos and stared at them, taking a particular interest in the date. Then Hank stood up from his chair, moved around the desk and wrapped his arms around Erin. He whispered, "That's great news, I'm so happy for you kiddo." Then Hank leaned over her a little, reached for Jay's hand and shook it well. Hank rasped, "Congratulations Jay!" Jay gave Hank a small smile and then weaved his fingers through Erin's once Hank had let go of his hand. Once Hank had returned to his chair, he looked directly at Erin and said, "Desk duty! No field work at all." Erin frowned and glanced at Jay. Although she understood Hank's reasoning and wanted to protect herself and her babies, having set limitations for her work for such a long time only sunk in after Hank had said that she no longer had the choice. Eventually Erin nodded, and responded, "I understand, but I would like to stay at work as long as possible. So far, the pregnancy is going well, everything is as it should be. They it is likely that they'll be early though, multiples normally are, so they're thinking end of May." Then Jay piped up, "By your next birthday, you'll be a grandpa again. Twice over." Hank smiled, truly happy at the prospect of more babies in the family. Hank didn't get to see his only grandson often because Justin was stationed far away. So he missed all the small things like Sunday dinner and trips to the park. The prospect of two babies roaming around his house made him think of his late wife and how much she would have relished in being a grandma.

XXX

Once they had told Hank, it was much easier to tell everyone else. The team were all very supportive. Once Erin and Jay had finally decided on buying a house and selling their place, it didn't take long to find their perfect house. Although it wasn't big, it had the potential for expansion, and had lots of space outside for Jay and Erin to play with their kids. After they had moved in, the team all came over to help set up the nursery. By that point in her pregnancy, Erin's belly was quite large, so everyone insisted that she direct and everyone else could put furniture together and paint the room. The move had affected Jay's plans to propose to Erin and he eventually decided to wait until they were properly settled in their new house.

XXX

One night, after a long day at work filling in paperwork, Jay and Erin were sitting on their sofa watching a hockey game. It dawned on Jay that there was never going to be a perfect moment to propose. But sitting there, with Erin tucked into his side, he knew that's where he'd like to be fifty years from now. Old and grey and next to Erin. Jay excused himself and slowly made his way up the stairs and into their bedroom. He walked over to his dresser, pulled the ring box out from the back of his draw and slipped it into his pocket. When he made his way back downstairs, Erin was exactly where he had left her, on the sofa and holding a warm mug of tea. Jay settled back next her and waited for his heart to stop racing before he popped the question. After sitting back next to her, Erin noticed Jay seemed to be fidgeting, unable to sit still. A few minutes later, Erin's curiosity got the better of her, so she asked, "Everything ok, Jay?" Jay turned to Erin and stuttered back a response, "uh…yeah…um I'm fine. Just trying to get comfortable." Erin nodded in response, accepting his explanation. But after her question, Jay wasn't sure how long he could sit there before he blurted out his question. Jay turned to Erin and looked at her. When he moved his hand to her tummy, he smiled when he felt the babies moving. Erin looked over to Jay and when he finally looked up from where his hand was placed to look in her eyes, he knew that was the right moment. Jay said, "Erin, I love you and I love where we are right now. I mean I love this house but more I love where we are in our relationship. I love how comfortable I feel with you and I love how we can open up to each other. It took me a long time to get to a place where I wanted to be in a relationship and then it took me a long time to realise that we didn't have to be like our parents. And here we are now only a few weeks away from having babies in the house who are going to depend on us for everything and I couldn't be happier about it, about doing this together with you. And as a kid, I never felt like home was my favourite place, I loved being with my mum, but we didn't feel safe because my dad was never far away. But since living with you I've realised that it doesn't have to be a place that is your favourite place or your home, but it can be a person. And you're that person for me. Erin, you are my home. So would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" Jay then pulled the ring box out of his pocket and opened it, so she could look. After his first sentence Erin was smiling as she knew exactly where his monologue was leading. Erin responded by kissing him and pulling him in for a hug. Then she said, "Of course I'll marry you Jay." Jay slid the ring onto her finger and then said, "You know this is my mum's ring. And I know she'd be so happy that you're wearing it, she would have absolutely loved you." Erin reached over to touch Jay's cheek and then said, "I would have loved to meet her, she sounds like a really amazing woman." Later that evening when they were in bed, Erin was looking at her ring and chuckling to herself. Jay looked over to her and said, "What's so funny?" Erin looked over to Jay and said, "So, it was about a few months ago and I had done some washing. So, I was putting away the clothes and I may have…. stumbled across the ring box in the back of the draw. I didn't open it or anything, but I apparently guessed correctly about what was inside." Jay looked over to her, shocked at her revelation. He started to say, "So you knew..." But Erin cut him off and said, "I guessed what you were going to do, but I didn't know when. So after a month when you hadn't said anything I just thought that you had it there for safe keeping rather that its relevance to an imminent proposal." Jay laughed at that, "I'm glad at least some part was surprising." The couple then talked about wedding details like size, venues and the date. They fell asleep that night, holding each other, both thinking about their upcoming nuptials.


End file.
